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The Duck 'N' Weave

Posted By Jason Fry On March 5, 2005 @ 8:06 pm In Main Page | Comments Disabled

Maybe it's just the years of trouble and embarrassment — or my own paranoia — but I can feel the controversies and woes swarming us like horseflies on a fishing trip, trying to land and draw some blood. So far no bites, but the buzzing is making me edgy. 

Was 60 pitches too many on a cold day for Pedro and his shoulder? Does Felix Heredia have an aneurysm? What did we do to Carlos Delgado, anyway? Will I ever watch Jose Reyes do anything without feeling panic creeping up my throat? And will I get to watch the boys play?

The last is the most infuriating. I think you're unaffected by this, but Cablevision is up to its old tricks again, threatening to yank the Mets (and the Knicks, whoever they are) off Time Warner unless they're paid more blood money. Now, it's not like Time Warner Cable is run by sweethearts, but it's the way Cablevision is going about it that's so disgusting: They run this whining message every other inning about how mean Time Warner is, then follow that between innings with stand-up interviews with angry Time Warner subscribers — interviews framed so that most of the time you can't see that Dolan henchmen are standing just off-camera with pistols aimed at the heads of those subscribers' children and pets. To this, add Cablevision's singularly disingenuous campaign against the West Side Stadium. There are lots of reasons to oppose the stadium, but preserving the Dolans' monopoly on arena events shouldn't be one of them — particularly since they can't run a franchise and the Garden is such a hideous rat trap.

(By the way, what is it about being a Met fan that your life winds up entangled with that of horrid scions of parental empires? Jeff Wilpon, meet James Dolan. Come to think of it, I've got nothing against Sandy Alomar. Is Bobby Bonilla Jr. moving up the corporate ladder at Aramark as I type?)

I'm annoyed with myself for letting the latest Dolan jihad take some of the joy out of the first day where I got to lie on the couch and watch spring training. It's just that with the Mets bolting to their own network next year, I foresee a lot more such disputes this summer. Doesn't baseball have enough outside-the-white-lines unhappiness these days without my having to worry about whether or not I can see it? 

Think positive. Think positive. Pedro looked strong. Nobody thinks there's anything seriously wrong with Heredia. Reyes just stole a base without his hamstring flying off. We'll always have FAN, and baseball on the radio is often more fun anyway. Delgado doesn't even play for us, so who cares about his insane agent's latest hijinks?

Actually, I find David Sloane really funny. “HOW DARE YOU CALL ME! I AM AT THE JOE COCKER CONCERT! HERE, LISTEN! HE IS SPASTICALLY CONTORTING HIMSELF THROUGH 'YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL' RIGHT NOW, AND I AM MISSING IT — BECAUSE OF YOU!” Joe Cocker? Is David Sloane marching against Vietnam, too? Every other day, Delgado has to answer questions he doesn't want to be asked about his presumably private conversations. Isn't your agent supposed to keep that from happening?

Oh well. It was surprisingly nice to hear Fran Healy accentuating any positive he could detect. And it's ELECTRIC here in Port St. Lucie! Uh-huh, Fran. If you're lucky enough to come down, make sure you stop by Chili's for a DELICIOUS meal! Right, Fran. 

With Jeff Gannon gone, doesn't Talon News have a spot available for Fran? The man can spin anything. I talked to some folks up in Baquoba, and they say those car bombs have really enhanced their agility! Sure, Fran.

Time to accentuate my own positive: Watching Carlos Beltran and David Wright swing the bat is a beautiful thing. I can't imagine why anyone would want to watch anything else.


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