What's too good to be true, Jace?
Why, I'm glad you asked. Take your pick:
1. Thinking that after playing impressively at home, we'd go to two of the National League's more offense-friendly parks and do something other than play little ball, and not very good little ball at that. Even John McGraw and Ring Lardner liked the occasional double. Kris Benson didn't pitch wonderfully tonight, but he could have been lights-out and it wouldn't have mattered with only one team able to lift a ball over that left-field fence. (Ask Pedro about that.)
2. Thinking we could ever beat a rookie pitcher. Let alone one sporting the singularly ridiculous name of “Wandy.” This is becoming a year-in, year-out thing, like it's infected the laundry that Charlie Samuels hangs in the locker for each new resident. The mystery isn't how we got stomped by Wandy Rodriguez, but how we ever beat Sean Henn. There's no rational explanation for this.
3. Thinking that when a reasonable trade rumor comes along it won't get queered. If we could actually get Manny Ramirez and Danys Baez in a three-team deal for Mike Cameron, Yusmeiro Petit and Lastings Milledge, I'd pull the trigger before you could say, “Ball four from Ishii.” Milledge may be a monster, but he's a monster who's just cracked Double-A, and most of those turn out to be a lot less big and scary than they're hyped to be. (Particularly when they're ours: Meet Mr. Escobar, to name just one in a long, depressing lineage.) Manny's a monster right now, quirks and all. And Baez is a lot better closer than Braden Looper. And this is a trade that would still make sense on Opening Day 2006, which looks like it's going to start coming into focus about a week from now. And it would leave Omar still with starting pitching to swap once Trachsel returns. So of course now there's a snag. Back to throwing up at the idea of Soriano's defense and Arlington/Not Arlington splits, I suppose.
4. Thinking I was a fool for throwing in the towel. I'm not throwing it, because we're still within striking distance of that wild card, provided we actually start playing decent baseball again. But I'm not holding on that tightly, either.
You also couldn't wait to pull the trigger on Gary Sheffield when that rumor reared its hideously ugly head, Jace. I am looking forward to this retraction as well.
Having just spent the evening at Fenway in the company of Manny, who apparently refuses to play when he feels he needs a night off, I must reiterate just how much I hate the idea of losing Cameron for Manny. I love Mike Cameron. And I'm quite happy with him. The last thing we need is this frigging primadonna nutcase on our hands. We have enough problems.
Yep, chiefly our lack of offense. I love Mike Cameron too — when he's giving an interview, or playing the clubhouse stereo. When he's looking at another called strike three, I'm less enamored.
Don't get me wrong, Jace. I really like Manny. Just not here. Not only am I a Cameron fan, but I just can't take any more meloframa. I've had enough bleach, firecrackers, card games and clubhouse haircuts to last a lifetime.