TOWEL DEPT. THROWING IN/RETURNS POLICY
Bat Bath & Beyond will cheerfully issue refunds for all 2005 New York Mets Contender Towels purchased between April 4 and July 31 when presented with a receipt by August 1, provided that…
• the towel has not been thrown in by the original purchaser more than half-a-dozen times
• the towel is in saleable condition should any shopper wish to buy into the notion of the Mets contending after August 1
• the towel has not been gnawed on, pulled at or torn to pieces out of frustration regarding the continuing absence of Met offense, a situation that Bat Bath & Beyond does not consider the responsibility of the towel in any way, shape or form.
Further conditions apply to the throwing in or return of all New York Mets Contender Towels to Bat Bath & Beyond:
All towels thrown in or returned to Bat, Bath & Beyond may not be repurchased by the original purchaser who has thrown it in or returned it without proof of regret, remorse and serious re-evalutaion.
All decisions regarding the throwing in or returning of towels to Bat Bath & Beyond must be made by the close of business on July 31.
A four-game sweep of the New York Mets at the hands of the Houston Astros will automatically generate the throwing in or returning of all towels by all discerning purchasers before the first game of the Mets homestand that commences August 2.
All purchasers who throw in or return their New York Mets Contender Towels by that date will have their decisions considered irrevocable by Bat Bath & Beyond.
A deficit in the National League Wild Card Race of greater than six games will prohibit the repurchase of all New York Mets Contender Towels by former purchasers who have thrown in or returned the towel by August 1.
The purchase of a bat priced above $60 million from Bat Bath & Beyond when combined with a New York Mets win against the Houston Astros on July 31 will make the throwing in or return of all New York Mets Contender Towels null and void until further notice.
Hey…nice towels. Where do I get one…?
I'll keep my towel, thanks. And that has nothing to do with the standings or where we eventually end up. I'll keep my towel because it's summer and there's baseball and there's Mets baseball and if we don't make the playoffs, so be it. What else is new? If we do make the playoffs, yay us!!
My towel will not advocate the mortgaging of the future or even the present for two months of Crazy Sheff or Crazy Manny rental or Anyone Else rental, as if this is the last baseball season ever!! and if we don't make the playoffs this year we'll never have another chance. Newsflash: there's a baseball season every single year, and another one begins next April regardless of what happens in the next two months.
My towel–gnawed on, pulled at and torn to pieces though it may be–will have to be forcefully pried from my cold, dead hand… up to, including and beyond the lowering of my cold, dead body into the cold, hard ground.
Thank you for calling Bat Bath & Beyond. How may I help you?
Yes…that's right…you may throw in the towel but still watch the rest of the season…no, there hasn't been a change in policy…that's right…sure you may continue to enjoy baseball even if it has nothing to do with contending for the rest of the year…you have?…more than 35 years?…then you already knew that.
Have a nice day.
Very funny. I'm still not even considering returning my towel, even if the return policy does allow refunds with proof of remorse. I'm just sayin', is all.
From my cold, dead hand.