Apparently holding a post-game concert wasn't enough of a way to celebrate Hispanic Heritage Night. The Mets collectively played as if they were descended from the would-be 15th-century conquistador El Choko (he had almost all of Europe under his control when he decided his most splendid warrior should abandon the battle after throwing 78 pitches), while the Nationals were doing their best impression of El Kabong.
It was as if somebody hijacked the Ameriquest runs bell: Ka-BONGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!
As for it being Dog Night, I had a feeling it would be a horrendous idea to permit those smelly, pathetic mutts into the ballpark.
But enough about our relievers.
Nobody except the Mets Walkoffs guy loves a walkoff win more than me, but this was ridiculous. If baseball had a commissioner who wasn't Bud Selig, I'd suggest he investigate how it's possible that a team capable of blowing an 8-0 seventh-inning lead to the lowest-scoring team in the National League also managed to gain ground in a Wild Card race that's tighter than the apple in Braden Looper's throat.
Look at us!
We're a contender!
We're two games out!
We've matched our high point for the year at four games above .500!
Something stinks here, but technically, we don't. In reality, we've got relievers who are incapable of protecting eight-run leads with nine outs to go, closers who can't close out two-run leads with one out to go, catchers with fractures who are sitting on the active roster, healthy starters who are left in limbo and a lineup that took a disco nap from the fourth through the ninth. By then, our laugher was long ago and it was far away.
Fortunately, we also have Chris Woodward. There aren't enough words to describe how grateful we should be for him. There aren't enough words because when Brian Schneider doubled in the tying run, I hurled the first thing handy in the general direction of the television and it happened to be a dictionary — ironic in that my vocabulary had just been reduced to a single f-word.
We won. I'm totally disgusted.
I guess it was also Paradox Night.