Expanding Our Roster

Editor's Note: As you are probably aware, baseball blogs can expand their rosters beginning September 1. We at Faith and Fear in Flushing have called up Dodd, a young blogger with great stuff, for the stretch drive. He's a little raw, but we hope you enjoy his debut.

The Mets suck.

The Mets totally suck.

I'm serious. I don't wanna do this. I don't even like baseball.

What?

I didn't say that. You just thought I said that. You're the one who likes baseball. I was just nodding to shut you up.

Fine, I'll do it.

OK, so I'm supposed to blog today's Mets-Phillies game…

Wait, don't they have sites for this crap? Doesn't ESPN have a site or something? Don't they give the scores on TV?

Perspective? What's that?

Well who cares what “we” think?

Big deal, losers writing about baseball for other losers. Congratulations.

I did NOT say I wanted to do this. What I said was I wanted you to buy me an iPod and you said you wouldn't do it unless I watched a baseball game with you and told you how much I liked it because you're so pathetic. Now I have to do this too? No wonder you don't have any friends.

Real friends, not just other losers you meet online.

I suppose if we're gonna get to Best Buy before it closes I better do this. So what am I supposed to say?

Um, the Mets lost to the Phillies 3 to 1 on Thursday.

What? They already know that? Well, DUH!

Tell them WHY they lost? Because they suck. I already said that.

Fine…the Mets lost to the Phillies 3 to 1 on Thursday. Although I'm pretty sure it had something to do with them sucking, I'm supposed to give you “perspective,” whatever that is.

My perspective is baseball is stupid. And the Mets are stupid. The Mets don't ever win, do they?

What? Two world championships? Is that a lot?

I didn't think so.

So anyway, the Mets are apparently trying to win games more than they usually do and it's not working. I'm told that the game they just lost was a big game which figures since they suck. If they didn't suck, they probably would've won, but they didn't, so they do.

Suck, I mean.

Details? I don't remember what happened. It was like hours ago.

Uh…some old dude pitched. And he couldn't pick up a ball. And the other team scored. And the Mets didn't score like at all…oh wait, they scored once when that fast dude ran really fast or something.

And then the Mets lost like they usually do. And they still suck.

There. Can we go now?

I'm supposed to give them reasons why the Mets lost? Didn't I just do that? Oh man, it's amazing what you losers can find to kill time with. Can't you download porn like everybody else? I know a really kickass site for that!

Loser.

The Mets lost their game today because they don't have enough good players. The Mets should get more good players, more good players than the other team has. Today the other team had more good players. The Mets suck.

Is that enough? Because I don't know what else to say. I still don't know why you made me do this.

What? Link to the ESPN site? So there is an ESPN site? You're writing about these stupid baseball games for other stupid baseball fans and then you're all like “go to the ESPN site for the box score”? Wow, you bloggers are bigger losers than I thought.

Um, if you need to know more about why the Mets suck, click here or something. Losers.

That's it, I hope. It is? Good.

What do you mean Best Buy is closed? Oh, you SUCK!

I hate baseball.

Editor's Note: We will be slightly contracting our roster beginning September 2. Dodd has been designated for assignment. And he's not getting an iPod.