Dearly beloved, when Rupert here was a student at the Clifton High School, none of us — myself, his teachers, his classmates — dreamt that he would amount to a hill of beans. But we were wrong, and you, Rupert, you were right. And that’s why tonight, before the entire nation, we’d like to apologize to you personally and to beg your forgiveness for all the things we did to you. And we’d like to thank you personally, all of us, for the meaning you’ve given our lives.
—George Cap, Rupert Pupkin’s high school principal, The King of Comedy
Enough of…Miguel Cairo — let the kids show us what they might have, instead of taking another look at useless veterans who should be released and spare parts for next year’s bench.
If we’re worried about a glut of middle infielders, why not send Miguel Cairo packing?
…the stupendously useless Miguel Cairo is playing anyway.
Look no further than…Miguel Cairo. Blessedly, [he] found a place to sit on Sunday.
…I’d have flipped over to watch a meaningless Met game in a second. A nanosecond. A half-nanosecond. Even if Miguel Cairo [was] in the starting lineup…
Hey, the Marlins can have Miguel Cairo if they ask nice.
Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime.