Networking

So they told us a little about our new network, and, well, it's weird. At least according to the New York Times. SportsNet New York, the kind of name you need a room full of marketing drones, lawyers and miscellaneous suits to come up with, provided you prime the pump with tens of thousands of dollars worth of Cosi and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of salary time. (But what do I know? I was hoping they'd call it the No Network.)

In typical Metsian fashion, we seem borderline embarrassed that our own network will include so much us. Lots of talk of lame other sports and sports-news shows. Dude, whatever. It's not too late — in exchange for the promise of a Cosi sandwich (I dig the basil-and-mozzarella one myself) and, say, $30, here's some advice for SNNY about what to show:

* Um, current Met games. Show 'em again in the daytime or at night.

* Minor-league games. Give me a chance to see who'd be on the roster if we could live without the contributions of Ice Williams and Danny Graves.

* Cyclones games. I mean, duh.

* Spring-training games. All of 'em. Hell, I'll watch intersquad games. Send Guy Conti up the tower at St. Lucie with a camcorder and I'll watch that.

* Old Met games. Lots of 'em. In fact, here's what you do: Show old Met games in their entirety from November through February. Don't condense 'em (it's the winter — what the hell else do I have to do?) and, most importantly, don't tell us what game it is. They don't even all have to be wins — 15% to 20% losses would be just fine. What we need is a guarantee that we'll see a thriller and most of the time we'll win it.

* Postseasons. Just rotate the ones we've been in each year. Though I reserve the right to skip Game 7 of the '88 NLCS.

* Old season-in-review tapes. Like you wouldn't watch “Expressway to the Big Leagues” and marvel at how exciting the Mets will be with hurlers like Rob Gardner and Dick Selma. I'm not sure I could ever sit through “Think Big” again, on the other hand. Oh, who am I kidding. I could too. Ditto for that Rey Ordonez highlight tape during which Rey lost interest and starting wandering off the field.

* Winter-league games. I know it's mid-January when I find myself watching another inning of Mexican League ball because McKay Christensen will bat if Obregon sends seven guys to the plate.

* If all else fails, any old “This Week in Baseball,” “When It Was a Game,” etc. would work. If it's old enough that I don't instinctively bristle at the sight of a Yankee (we're up to Don Mattingly but not yet to Charlie Hayes), it's old enough to show.

Mets. Television. It ain't that complicated.

P.S. Tonight I looked at the Rockies' starting lineup and realized the only guy I was sure I'd heard of was Clint Barmes, and he'd never faced us. Glavine could totally no-hit the Colorado Springs Sky Sox, I thought to myself. Even told Emily as much. I wasn't that far off.