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The Funniest Article Ever Written

Somebody call Bernie Mac, D.L. Hughley, Steve Harvey and Cedric the Entertainer and tell them to find a new line of work. They may be The Original Kings of Comedy [1], but today comedy has new kings.

Meet the hysterical duo of Noah Fowle and Dave Goldiner. These comic geniuses have penned perhaps the funniest article ever written [2]. It appears — where else? — in that noted comedy bible known as the Daily News.

The headline tells you that the story is going to be a scream:

City's in funk as Bombers bombing

I don't want to give away all the punchlines (you can check the American League standings [3] for those), but I can't let this opportunity pass without — spoiler alert! — sharing this one joke they tell about all the damage the Yankees' recent losing is apt to do to New York's collective psyche:

“It might not be a coincidence that the Bombers' bad runs in the '60s and late '80s and early '90s coincided with eras of rising crime and economic stagnation.”

Several hallmarks of a great joke are present here.

1) It is preposterous. “It might not be a coincidence…” It also might not be a coincidence that I sat on my ass and watched TV yesterday and then it rained. But since I sit on my ass and watch a lot of TV and that doesn't necessarily lead to rain, I'm going to say it was indeed a coincidence. Their assertion is preposterous, therefore it is funny.

2) It is nonsensical. “It might not be a coincidence…coincided with…” Actually, when things coincide, it is generally indicative of a coincidence. Nonsense can be very funny.

3) It is illogical. “…the Bombers' bad runs in the '60s and late '80s and early '90s coincided with eras of rising crime and economic stagnation.” How did that work exactly? Every time Tom Tresh went 0-for-4, a liquor store was robbed? Andy Stankiewicz got a start and an investment bank moved to the suburbs? High-larious conclusions by the writers! Next time someone's driving while handling a cell phone, somebody arrest Jason Giambi (though I hear he can't get arrested…no matter how hard he tries).

This is one of those gags where you don't just laugh, but you applaud, so bravo fellas! And bravo to the editors who put stuff like this on page 2 of their newspaper and continue to devote almost all of their space to the floundering Yankees while practically ignoring the humdrum achievements of the first-place Mets (whose New York-based fans may not join their neighbors on this inevitable Yankee-related crime spree since our collective psyche is hanging in there OK). The Daily News' overwhelmingly Yankeecentric coverage [4] of baseball in the Big Apple continues to be the sports-journalism equivalent of open mic night at Caroline's.

Some things are just funny because they're funny. In Neil Simon's The Sunshine Boys, cantankerous Willy Clark explained words with the “k”-sound in them are funny. By his reasoning, the “Yankees” are funny. The idea that the “Yankees” are sending New “Yorkers” into a “funk” should have us doubled over in laughter.

And it does!