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Mike Pelfrey’s Going Away Party

Posted By Greg Prince On September 26, 2011 @ 3:32 am In 1 | Comments Disabled

“Hey, this is really nice.”
“Well, we decided it was a special occasion, so we should rent out one of the suites.”
“I’ve never been to one of these before.”
“We throw one every five days — just in case.”
“So this isn’t just an end of season thing?”
“Usually we just do it in Promenade and keep it simple, but since this is the last one of the year, we figured why not go all out?”

“I’m glad you did. Now how does this work?”
“You can order anything you like, and they’ll bring it you.”
“Anything?”
“Anything you’d normally have to wait in line for. Isn’t that amazing?”
“Wow. What a shame I’m really not that hungry.”
“Oh, come on, you have to try to the Failure to Take a Step Forward.”
“They’ll bring me the Failure to Take a Step Forward? I mean right here, to the suite?”
“That’s part of the package.”
“Package?”
“Oh yeah, it’s a whole production. They start you with a Deep Hole, just to set the tone — and from there you can order anything.”

“Anything? What about the Lack of Confidence?”
“You can get the Lack of Confidence AND the Lack of Command.”
“Geez, it is tempting.”
“I already ordered the Mountain of Earned Runs. It’ll be here in a minute.”
“The Mountain of Earned Runs? Geez, don’t you usually have to wait like three innings for that?”
“Not today. All the Earned Runs you could possibly imagine will show up instantly [1].”
“I don’t know. I don’t wanna overdo it.”
“Listen, you have to at least help me finish the Endless Frustration.”
“My god, how vast is that thing?”
“It’s Endless. And it comes with a Look of Bafflement.”

“Well, I’ll have a taste…mmmm…that really is Endless!”
“Try it with a few of the Earned Runs from the Mountain of them.”
“Just a few…”
“‘Just a few.’ You know you can’t have ‘just a few’ Earned Runs at one of these things.”
“No, you really can’t. What’s that they have at the other table?”
“That’s Patience. They said they were running out of it, though.”
“Say, didn’t one of the concessions used to sell a Real Sign of Progress?”
“We asked about that. They said it’s no longer available. They replaced it with the Pile of Base Hits.”
“I could use a drink. Any hard stuff here?”
“No hard stuff, at least nothing that’s effective. I tried it with a Carrasco chaser, but that only made it worse.”
“Any Kool-Aid?”
“Plenty, but nobody wants to drink it anymore.”

“This has been fun, but I’m really full.”
“You can’t go before they bring out the dessert.”
“Dessert?”
“What’s a party without dessert?”
“What do they have?”
“It’s like a very well-done dish, something left in the oven too long, probably. And it’s kind of chewy. Tough, almost.”
“That doesn’t sound very appetizing.”
“Well, it’s gotta be tough. It’s the Non-Tender.”
Ooh, THAT I gotta try!”

A little afterparty chat with The Happy Recap Radio Show fellas, here [2].


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URL to article: http://www.faithandfearinflushing.com/2011/09/26/mike-pelfreys-going-away-party/

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[1] show up instantly: http://espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=310925121

[2] here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thehappyrecap/2011/09/25/the-happy-recap-radio-show---11

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