When the Mets interrupt one of their concentrated spans of ineptitude with a rare show of net-competence — such as that displayed Thursday afternoon at Busch Stadium in an unlikely 5-2 victory over the exalted St. Louis Cardinals of Keith Hernandez’s fundamentally sound fantasies — I am moved to recall an exchange from the 1984 film, Teachers, between conscientious educator Alex Jurel (Nick Nolte) and stodgy disciplinarian Ditto Stiles (Royal Dano), the latter so named because his teaching method consists solely of passing out quizzes he joylessly reproduces at John F. Kennedy High School’s overworked ditto machine. The discussion in question centers around a problem student whom another teacher would prefer to dump in Ditto’s pin-drop quiet classroom.
DITTO: Oh, it’s fine with me. I’ll handle him.
ALEX: You’d bore him to death.
DITTO: What’s that supposed to mean?
ALEX: Whaddaya think it means, Ditto? Your class is boring. Your students don’t learn a thing. If it weren’t for tenure, you’d be selling vacuum cleaners. Have I left anything out?
DITTO: I don’t have to take that from you. I have received three consecutive teaching awards for the most orderly class.
DITTO: Three consecutive teaching awards for the most orderly class! And what do you think of that about that, mister?
ALEX: Gee Ditto — you sure don’t stink.
And for one day, neither does our baseball team, give or take a .157-batting (as opposed to hitting) first baseman. They’re 1-0 since completing their second six-game losing streak of 2013 and a robust 43-72 dating back to July 8, 2012.
Friday they attempt their first winning streak in two weeks.
How about them Mets?!