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‘Some Sort of Rally’ by Aaron Sorkin

Posted By Greg Prince On August 2, 2013 @ 11:32 am In 1 | Comments Disabled

Previously on The Newsroom [1]

SEPTEMBER 23, 2011 [2]

WILL
They’re caps, Charlie. Baseball caps. Baseball caps honoring the police, the fire fighters, all the first responders. They should’ve worn them. That’s all I’m saying. Nobody was ever hurt by a cap.

CHARLIE
Torre says different.

WILL
Torre was wrong, Charlie. Torre was wrong.

***

DON
Rzepczynski? Who? I’m gonna need a spelling. What do you mean “like it sounds”?

***

MAC
The Cardinals couldn’t hold a four-run lead against the Mets yesterday. If you can’t beat the Mets, how can you expect to make the playoffs?

WILL
It’s called playing the spoiler.

MAC
What?

WILL
The spoiler. It’s what you do when you’re out of it, but you haven’t folded it up.

***

CHARLIE
Bad news. Capuano isn’t going anywhere.

REESE
Who is that bad for? Not for me, not for my mother and not for this company.

***

JIM
Everybody up here is sure the Red Sox are collapsing. And I can’t get thirty minutes with Romney or Francona.

MAGGIE
I can’t hear you! Are you with somebody?

JIM
I’ve gotta go.

***

NEAL
He’s not just writing a book. He’s also starring in a documentary about his pitch. It could be explosive.

MAC
Like anybody’s going to want to read what a journeyman knuckleballer has to say.

NEAL
He’s more than that.

***

SLOAN
No way Reyes comes back. Flushing can’t afford a shortstop of his skill level in this market. Not after what the Madoffs did.

MAGGIE
So you’re saying…

SLOAN
I’m saying this is his last homestand.

***

WILL
Braun’s breathing down his neck. Kemp’s breathing down his neck. I tell ya, Charlie, the ghosts of Cleon Jones and John Olerud are breathing down his neck. This batting title is history in the making.

CHARLIE
History? These are decimal points we’re talking about.

WILL
History is written in decimal points, Charlie. Decimal points and half-games.

***

Now the HBO Series, The Newsroom.

INT. NEWSROOM — NIGHT

The staff is gathered around the monitor on NEAL’s desk, watching MLB Network, reacting to the momentous events of the final day of the 2011 regular season. Superimposed on screen is today’s date:

SEPTEMBER 28, 2011 [3]

WILL
This is what’s great about America, Charlie. It’s the uncertainty. We came to work this morning and there was no doubt — none — over who we were going to watch this October. Now the world’s turned upside down.

SLOAN
It’s revolutionary.

DON
How’s that?

SLOAN
When the British surrendered at Yorktown, Lord Cornwalis ordered the band to play “The World Turned Upside Down.”

WILL
You know that’s probably a myth.

SLOAN
We’re America. We need our myths.

WILL
You’re right. We need our myths. We need our folktales. We need the stories that bind us, whether we’re Republicans, like I am, or whatever you guys are. But we need to keep our myths separated from our news.

NEAL
One of the Occupy Wall Street leaders told me essentially the same thing, that it’s the myth of self-reliance that blinds decent Americans to their obligations to one another.

WILL
Look, Charlie, I know you go back a ways with John Henry. But look at the big picture. Two cities are enormously happy tonight. Two cities are inconsolably sad. We have a batting champion in this very metropolis.

CHARLIE
Posing on the dock of the World’s Fair Marina with a title reeled in fishily, if you ask me.

WILL
It’s a batting average, Charlie. Once Jose accumulated 502 plate appearances, it didn’t matter when they occurred.

CHARLIE
He bunted his way on.

WILL
He’s a leadoff hitter, Charlie. It’s what leadoff hitters do.

CHARLIE
He pulled himself in the first inning.

WILL
Regrettable but not illegal.

CHARLIE
Ted Williams wouldn’t have done it that way. That was a legitimate batting champion — and a top-notch fly fisherman to boot!

WILL
Correct me if I’m wrong, Charlie, but Ted Williams eschewed neckties and disdained the Boston press corps.

CHARLIE
What does that have to do with anything?

WILL
I’m saying if you require an example of good sportsmanship, don’t choose someone who wouldn’t come on our show or respect what we wear.

CHARLIE
So it’s a day of jubilee for you; for Reyes; and for the Rays and Cardinals. Everything is going your way at last.

WILL
Seventy-seven win season complete and winter’s approach notwithstanding, it would appear so. True, I have to confine my filthy nicotine habit to my office, where even there I’m technically in violation of New York City’s Draconian public health codes. And Leona and her hatchet-man son aren’t going to get off our ass anytime soon. And the Tea Party is coming for my scalp…

CHARLIE
Now you’re indulging in another myth where the Native American is concerned.

WILL
Indians, Charlie. Can we all agree to call them Indians? Just here? In the sanctity of the newsroom? Can we be regular guys here?

NEAL
You realize I’m the only actual Indian either of you know, and your seven-figure salary likely precludes your regular-guy status.

MAC
Wait, I’m confused. These Indians — they’re not in the playoffs, are they? And don’t think I didn’t notice that allegorical crack about Yorktown. If we’d had home field advantage, old Corny might have come from behind just like Tampa Bay did against the bloody Yanks and all of this post-match prattle would be of cricket.

SLOAN BEGINS TO RESPOND BUT FALLS BACKWARD IN CHAIR. MAGGIE RUSHES IN.

MAGGIE
I just got this e-mail from a blogger I know in Milwaukee.

WILL
Is it from Laverne or Shirley?

MAGGIE
He writes for Full Yount…

WILL (DISDAINFULLY)
Full Yount?

MAGGIE
You know, like ‘full count,’ three and two. It’s named for the Hall of Famer Robin Yount.

WILL
I follow. Believe me, I follow. I might not want to, but I do. What’s the matter, was “molitorcocktail.com” already taken?

MAGGIE
Full Yount has a tip about Ryan Braun.

WILL
That Jose Reyes was going to be uncatchable in the batting race no matter when he sat himself down this afternoon? Maggie, your basement buddy really needs to sign up for the Extra Innings package.

MAGGIE:
No. Not that. There may be something wrong with Braun’s urine sample.

THE OPENING STRAINS OF COLDPLAY’S “VIVA LA VIDA [4]” BECOME AUDIBLE.

DON
My college roommate is Bud Selig’s assistant counsel. I just ran into him over the weekend when I went to see Moneyball.

CHARLIE
Any good?

DON
Not bad if you pretend the 2002 A’s never had Hudson, Mulder or Zito.

CHARLIE
I mean your roommate. Is he a good source?

DON
Solid as they come. He helped negotiate the last CBA.

NEAL
I have a contact inside one of the sausage costumes at Miller Park. The Chorizo. I’ll see what he knows.

WILL
I golfed with Bob Uecker when I was in the Bush Senior administration and he served on the President’s Council on Physical Fitness. Uke’s always said Braun was a pisser. I guess now’s the time to find out if he meant that literally.

MAGGIE
Also, Jim called in. Romney told a VFW hall in Nashua that he’s looking forward to being at “Fenway Stadium” next week “for the divisional World Series.”

CHARLIE
He said this after the Sox were eliminated by the O’s?

MAGGIE
Everybody else on the bus had already gone back to the hotel bar. Jim’s the only Romney embed who has integrity AND the governor’s gaffe on tape.

CHARLIE
I knew sending him up there would pay off!

MAC
So now we give priority to misstatements over the issues and policy debates of our time? It’s Casey Stengel all over again.

WILL
Anthony.

MAC
What?

WILL
Casey Anthony. We haven’t covered Casey Stengel in at least four decades. You could look it up.

MAC BEGINS TO RESPOND BUT FALLS BACKWARD IN CHAIR.

CHARLIE
Leona’s not gonna like this Braun business.

WILL
Are you kidding? They love scandal upstairs. Lowest common denominator and all that. Ratings through the roof! Delta Club seats for everybody next year! Even Neal.

CHARLIE
This one is different. The Koch brothers have a lot of interests in Wisconsin, and there are rumblings about a recall election for Scott Walker. Plus Big Dairy really likes the Brewers.

WILL
Charlie, can you handle Reese?

CHARLIE
Like Braun can handle a fastball.

WILL
Not the analogy I would’ve chosen right now, but OK.

SLOAN
The Wild Card is a big, sexy story, but the economic impact on St. Petersburg is overstated. I’m worried about Detroit. Their infrastructure is in tatters and they have no bullpen.

NEAL
I’ve collected some interesting data from the Society for American Baseball Research that suggests St. Louis will bear monitoring.

MAC
Against the Phillies’ pitching? The only thing that’ll bear monitoring is their pulse to see if they have one.

NEAL
According to SABR, the squirrel population has increased at Busch Stadium to a level of critical mass where one of them could actually trot onto the field during the course of play and affect the outcome with some sort of rally. It may be worth checking into.

MAC
If you think I’m shifting resources out of Philadelphia for one of your nutty squirrel theories…

MAC’S RESPONSE IS CUT OFF WHEN SHE FALLS BACKWARD IN CHAIR.

WILL
All right people, get your butts in gear. The postseason is about to commence. Let’s not get caught looking at strike one.

MAC SLIPS ON THE NEWSROOM FLOOR. EVERYBODY ELSE DELVES INTO ACTION. “VIVA LA VIDA” SWELLS.

FADE TO BLACK


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URL to article: http://www.faithandfearinflushing.com/2013/08/02/some-sort-of-rally-by-aaron-sorkin/

URLs in this post:

[1] The Newsroom: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Newsroom_(U.S._TV_series)

[2] SEPTEMBER 23, 2011: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/culture/newsroom-season-2-episode-3-recap

[3] SEPTEMBER 28, 2011: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Newsroom_(U.S._TV_series)#Episodes

[4] VIVA LA VIDA: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bJMxhvVf0o

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