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The Long Happy Life of Bartolo Colon

There has to be some Mets fan out there who was called away during the bottom of the fifth and then had something to do in the top of the ninth. If so, sorry man — because the rest of Monday night’s game was about as snoozy as it gets.

There’s something to be said for a lack of drama, though. It’s just fine if the result is Phillie after Phillie looking dismayed as Bartolo Colon [1] adds a mile per hour to his fastball here and subtracts it there and puts the ball exactly where he wants it, which is somewhere other than where the batter was looking. I can’t do better describing the Zen of Bartolo than I did last summer, so go read that [2]. He was as on that day in St. Louis as he was tonight (and got a hit both times), except happily tonight was for much bigger stakes [3].

The Mets confined their offense to a single inning, with home runs by Michael Conforto [4] (who’s gone from a cameo-as-preview to being done with the minors) and Curtis Granderson [5] accounting for their scoring. And they confined their woes to a single inning, as Jeurys Familia [6] looked more than a little shaky in the ninth. He surrendered singles to Cesar Hernandez [7] and Aaron Altherr [8], then walked Ryan Howard [9].

Fortunately, Jeff Francoeur [10] was up next, and Frenchy still has no idea that four balls mean you get to go to first base. He hit into a double play, and Familia then dueled Andres Blanco [11], who turned in a great at-bat but then struck out on the ninth pitch, which was eye-high.

Not a Mets classic by any means, but a Mets win, which will do very nicely. A couple of hours later the Cardinals ambushed Matt Williams [12]‘s second-line relievers (next time you take issue with Terry Collins [13]‘s bullpen moves, think about the things Williams comes up with) and the Mets’ lead was back to 6.5.

Six and a half and the baseball calendar says September. I still have 7 and 17 branded on some wounded part of my psyche, so the only magic number I care about will come when the Mets’ lead is larger than the number of games they have remaining. We’ll see if they get there, but this a good place to start. We’re guaranteed an exciting month and could get a magical one. Buckle up!

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Here’s the latest episode [14] of I’d Just as Soon Kiss a Mookiee, the greatest Mets/Star Wars podcast in the history of the planet. In this one, Shannon from MetsPolice [15] and I chat with Paul Lukas of Uni Watch [16], I confess to hating “The Natural,” and much more. Enjoy!