Dear New York Mets Fan:
We are writing to thank you for your generous contribution of a bunt against the shift. Thoughtful Mets fans like you have been sending us what they can to provide offensive assistance for our ace pitcher Jacob deGrom for months. Our offices at Citi Field have been flooded by sacrifice flies, soft singles over the shortstop’s head, line drives up the middle and takings on three-and-oh, all in the name of getting Jacob some much-needed runs. We were particularly touched by the elementary school class on Long Island that offered to take a breaking ball off its collective elbow with the bases loaded.
In light of the support shown by you and your fellow New York Mets fans, we are happy to report that on the afternoon of Wednesday, August 8, Jacob’s teammates pooled their resources to match the efforts of their fans, the effect of which generated eight runs, five of which crossed the plate while Jacob was pitching right here in Queens. Jacob, of course, was nearly flawless per usual, giving up no runs to the Cincinnati Reds during his six innings on the mound. The end result of all this charitable activity was an 8-0 victory for both the Mets and Jacob.
Yes, it’s true — Jacob deGrom was the winning pitcher. It’s something we haven’t been able to tell our fans very often despite Jacob consistently performing as baseball’s best pitcher. Most days when Jacob works his magic, we don’t compile six doubles, two singles, eleven walks and a stolen base, but on Wednesday we did. It was very exciting and we hope you had a chance to see or hear it.
Jacob’s earned run average is now 1.77, while his won-lost record sits at 6-7. Obviously we are extremely proud of the former and determined to help him improve on the latter. With fans like you behind us, we are confident Jacob will win again in 2018.
Once more, we are grateful for your thoughtful gesture of assistance. As MLB rules prohibit us from keeping it, we will be forwarding contributions like yours to local youth baseball programs throughout the greater Metropolitan Area in the hope that the potential Mets of tomorrow will learn to build runs for their pitchers and help the next Jacob deGrom avoid the fate that has befallen our lone All-Star most of this season.
We are also enclosing a code redeemable for a 4.8% discount on select Baseline Box and Promenade Outfield tickets to Jay Bruce Bobblehead Day on August 25. The code is redeemable at Mets.com and may not be used for phone orders or at Citi Field ticket windows. Restrictions and fees apply.
Sincerely,
The New York Mets
National League Baseball Club
NOT VARGAS AT ALL!
The last bit with the fees is priceless.
Now that’s a FAFIF reader comment.
Was it intentional that they got the day of the week wrong, saying it was Thursday rather than Wednesday?
Seems entirely Metsian. If you say it was intentional, I’ll certainly believe you.
The New York Mets Faux Form Letter Dept. has convened and corrected the error. No doubt a head has rolled. Or been promoted to co-general manager.
deGrom goes 10-2 the rest of the way, lowers his ERA to 1.49 and is a walk for the CY.
Make it so. Or, as we might have said between 2002 and 2005, make it Seo.
Oh man, Jae Seo. Haven’t thought about that guy in ages. He did go on that improbable 8-2 run with a 2.59 ERA to end his Mets career in ’05.
Sadly I think that would probably not be enough for deGrom to win the Cy Young.
Remember when we sent him down after he threw seven innings of one-hit ball? Good times.
I want to look forward. If he makes it through an inning tonight Zack Wheeler will pass 500 innings pitched. He will immediately catapult into the top-40 in all sorts of Mets career pitching records as listed on Baseballreference.com.
Hope I didn’t jinx him . . . Should I mention Noah making it into the top-41 lists later this year?
Looking ahead is dangerous, Curt. That’s why we don’t do too much of it here.
See? Nothing happened. Dunno why I thought they played last night. If we hear about a kitchen accident or something with hedge trimmers though . . .
Big IF with these folks.
I know. I’m already nervous on Zack’s behalf.
This is a great one, especially that last graf about the discount. Were the last two sentences copied verbatim from Mets.com? The ring of truth.
An approximation of the nomenclature from memory. Glad you enjoyed it.
Any reproduction of the pictures, descriptions, and accounts of this game without the express written consent of the New York Mets is prohibited.