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Jason Fry and Greg Prince
Faith and Fear in Flushing made its debut on Feb. 16, 2005, the brainchild of two longtime friends and lifelong Met fans.

Greg Prince discovered the Mets when he was 6, during the magical summer of 1969. He is a Long Island-based writer, editor and communications consultant. Contact him here.

Jason Fry is a Brooklyn writer whose first memories include his mom leaping up and down cheering for Rusty Staub. Check out his other writing here.

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Mets Sweep Florida Morons

This would be a good time to be a drive-time disc jockey in medium-sized city with a persecution complex. If I were, I’d be working under the radio name of Resentful in the Morning, and I’d stir up my listeners to join me in a natural disdain for our local baseball team’s archrivals, whom I would cleverly refer to as the Florida Morons. Actually, I would have started on Friday, in anticipation of their weekend visit, announcing the phone number of their hotel. Hey, I’d say, why don’t we give Fredi “GONER”-zalez a jingle and welcome him to our town where we know how to play baseball?

“Here’s the number,” I’d say. “Dial it and give that ol’ GONER a real Resentful wakeup call!”

Then you’d hear my sidekick ring a cowbell and echo my sentiments that “We’re gonna make Fredi a GONER by Sunday!” To punctuate the point, we’d play “Freddie’s Dead” by Curtis Mayfield three times before the next newscast.

Of course Friday night I’d be hosting a Florida Moron Fish Fry in the stadium parking lot. You bring a dead fish and we’ll gut it on the air, because that’s what we’re gonna do to those Florida Morons for the next three games. Every Resentful in the Morning listener wearing a t-shirt with the station logo would then be issued his or very own Resentful in the Morning set of Hanley Wipes because we are going to WIPE THE FLOOR WITH HANLEY RAMIREZ!

It would actually be a roll of toilet paper from Walmart because this is a mid-market station and we don’t have much of a promotional budget, but we make up for the lack of resources with community spirit. Thus, when Hanley Ramirez comes to bat, my sidekick would be sure to remind our Resentful listeners to unspool those limited-edition Hanley Wipes and LET HIM KNOW WHAT WE THINK OF THE BIGGEST MORON OF THEM ALL!

Then we’d blare “Freddie’s Dead” three or four times as we fried more fish.

Come Monday, after we crowed about having swept the Morons, particularly the way they let a big lead get away on Sunday, we’d call that disc jockey in Miami with whom we’d made a big bet on Friday. He has to send us a hundred coconuts, not only because we in our medium-sized city think that’s all they’ve got in Florida but because, as my sidekick likes to say in between ringing his cowbell, MORONS DON’T HAVE NO BRAINS IN THEIR COCONUTS! We’d then laugh hysterically and play “Freddie’s Dead” as we kicked off our WHEN’S FREDI GONNA BE GONE? countdown.

After the traffic report, we’d give our third caller — third because we just won all three games against our archrivals — the honor of joining the Resentful in the Morning team at the biggest post office in town this afternoon as we mail all those fish guts from the Fish Fry to Hanley Ramirez, care of them dang stupid Florida Morons.

Yeah, if I were a drive-time disc jockey in a medium-sized city with a persecution complex, that’s how I’d do it. But since I’m not, I think I’ll accept these three Mets wins over the Marlins with quiet dignity.

8 comments to Mets Sweep Florida Morons

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by You Gotta Believe!, Greg Prince. Greg Prince said: #Mets fans have too much quiet dignity to note to crow about having just swept the Florida Morons. http://wp.me/pKvXu-1vk […]

  • Joe D.

    Hi Greg,

    “Morons” is the word to describe Florida this past weekend. Ramierez sealed Friday’s win by not busting out of the box and Fredi Martinez did same today by conceding the go-ahead run in the eighth to avoid a big inning and gamble that his big hitters could come through in the ninth…. and it almost worked.

  • Dak442

    It’s fun when the OTHER manager makes the bonehead decision for a change.

  • Guy Kipp

    Fredi Gonzalez’ 8th-inning defensive concession was not the first time the Mets have ever been beneficiaries of this strategy.
    On July 5, 1999, Felipe Alou conceded a run in the bottom of the 8th inning of a tie game at Shea in almost an identical circumstance. In that case, it was Brian McRae who hit the game-winning DP grounder.

    http://www.retrosheet.org/boxesetc/1999/B07050NYN1999.htm

  • CharlieH

    However much I might agree with the sentiment, I would take it easy insulting the opposition. The Baseball Gods have ways of “rewarding” such things, as we well know.

    Please, let’s just take what we’ve been given and say “Thang kew…”

  • March'62

    What happened is that Nolasco said in the dugout after the 5th that he’s really got it going. Gonzalez thought Nolasco said that he’s really gotta be going, so he pulled him in the 6th to give him time to leave. The Mets were just beneficiaries of this miscommunication.

    Oh and with the infield in, Ike’s ball is in centerfield and the Mets win big (ie by 2).

    • Guy Kipp

      That’s assuming everything else about the situation remained exactly the same. I’m sure that if the Marlins did play the infield in, Ike Davis would have been pitched to differently than he was with the infield back, or sort of halfway back, like it was.

  • […] Ramirez, a superstar whose decision not to hustle helped oust the generally highly regarded (if not by all of us) Fredi Gonzalez; that has never parlayed its two championships into any kind of lasting brand […]