Identity Crisis

Didja see the Mets game Tuesday night?

Yeah.

Who won?

Mets did.

Great! Who pitched?

Kaz…

Cuz I wanna know. Who pitched?

Kaz…

Like I said, cuz I wanna know.

You're not listening closely. Kaz!

Cuz I wanna know!

Kaz…he pitched.

Cuz who pitched?

Kaz!

Cuz without knowing who pitched, I don't really know what happened.

I know this is a stretch, but the pitcher's name was Kaz. Kaz Ishii.

Oh. How'd he do?

Kaz?

Yeah.

He pitched well.

Did he pitch long?

Yeah.

Did he pitch in the ninth?

No.

Who pitched in the ninth?

Koo.

I'm asking you as nicely as I can.

Koo.

I'll whisper softly: Who pitched in the ninth?

And I'm telling you who!

Who?

Koo.

You sure?

Yeah. Koo.

OK, I'll try to be a little more breathy. Mmmmm, baby, who pitched in the ninth? Ooooh, you're so sexy.

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about you. You're sweet. Mmmmm…say, is this really necessary?

No!

Then why do I have to coo?

I don't want you to coo!

So why did you tell me to coo?

I didn't!

You said coo!

I said Koo!

Yeah!

I was telling you the pitcher was Koo!

Koo?

The pitcher's name was Koo. Dae-Sung Koo.

Oh. How'd he do?

Koo?

Yeah.

He ran into a little bit of trouble.

Did he finish the game?

No.

Who did?

Loop.

Loop?

Loop.

If you insist.

Yeah, I do.

Didja see the Mets game Tuesday night?

Yeah.

Who won?

Mets did.

Great! Who pitched?

Kaz…

Cuz I wanna know. Who pitched?

Kaz…wait a second!

What?

I already told you all that.

I know.

Then why did you go back the beginning of this conversation?

Because you said loop.

I know I said Loop.

OK. Didja see the Mets game Tuesday night?

Yeah.

Who won?

Mets did.

Great! Who pitched?

Kaz…WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I asked you who finished the game and you told me loop.

Yeah.

You acknowledge that?

Yeah.

Absolutely sure?

Yeah!

Fine. Then can I ask you something?

Go ahead.

Who finished the game?

Loop.

Here we go again…Didja see the Mets game Tuesday night?

Look, I don't know what your problem is, but I'm going to tell you everything you need to know right now, so pay attention: Kaz Ishii started for the Mets. He pitched well and he pitched long, but he didn't finish the game. Dae-Sung Koo came on to start the ninth but allowed two Reds to reach base. He was relieved by Braden Looper and Loop finished the game and recorded a save.

Oh. Why didn't you say so?

He didn't pitch.

Who didn't pitch?

Seo.

What?

You asked why I didn't say Seo.

Yeah.

And I'm telling you.

What are you telling me?

That he didn't pitch.

Who?

Seo.

That's rather dismissive.

Seo…he didn't pitch.

And, between you and me, a little rude.

Listen, Seo didn't pitch.

Who so didn't pitch?

I think you're confused.

Well, you're not helping.

Help me help you. What do you want to know?

Just that what you're telling me is the truth.

Of course it is.

Then, truthfully, who were those pitchers who you said pitched in the game?

Kaz, Koo and Loop…not Seo.

Then why did you say they pitched?

They did.

But you said not so.

That's right, not Seo.

Can you be honest with me for once?

I am being honest.

You are?

Yeah.

Kaz pitched?

Yeah.

Koo pitched?

Yeah.

Loop pitched?

Yeah.

That's what I wanted to know.

Well, that's what you should know. Those guys pitched.

Those guys pitched?

Not Seo.

Then who did pitch?

I'll spell it out for you one more time.

Please.

Kaz Ishii started.

Got it.

Dae-Sung Koo pitched in the ninth.

Got it.

Braden Looper finished the game.

Got it.

Not Seo.

Why are you in such denial?

Denial? The only thing I want to deny is that I know you. What's wrong with you?

Wrong with me? I asked you who pitched, you name three pitchers for me and then you tell me not so.

Yeah.

Then what am I supposed to do?

What's the big deal? Jae Seo didn't pitch for the Mets Tuesday night.

Jae Seo?

Yeah. Jae Seo's not even on the 25-man roster.

Aaaah! I think I understand.

Good. Why don't you tell me what happened in the game?

You sure?

Yeah.

You really sure?

Yeah.

You absolutely sure?

I'm absolutely sure. Go ahead already.

OK. Kaz started.

Uh-huh…

He pitched well but didn't finish the game.

Uh-huh…

Koo came on in the ninth.

Uh-huh…

But Koo couldn't get the final outs.

Uh-huh…

That meant Loop had to.

Uh-huh…

And he did.

Uh-huh…

Plus, Jae Seo wasn't involved in the least little bit.

I think you've finally grasped it.

In fact, Jae Seo was entirely superfluous to this little dialogue of ours.

Perhaps, but the important thing is you nailed it.

I did?

That you did.

At long last, I am accurate?

That you are.

And I am correct?

That you are as well.

So, all in all, you would have to say I am right.

No, he's on third.