So were you doing your job this time, or is this another fake recap where you use fancy writing to dress up the fact that you only watched half an inning?
This time around I listened to half an inning while in a rental car on the way to Logan Airport. Does that answer your question?
It does. Which half-inning was it?
The one in which Noah Syndergaard somehow walked in the tying run.
The bad one, then.
One of the bad ones.
Were you aware that Jacob deGrom had gone on the DL at that point?
No, not until Howie and Josh told me. That was the same inning in which I learned Yoenis Cespedes had come out of the game with hip tightness or imminent death or whatever the hell it was. Oh, and Josh made much of the fact that Syndergaard apparently no longer gets swings and misses with his 97-MPH fastball.
And what was your reaction to all that?
Despair, and a reminder that one baseball game was not worth launching the rental car off the expressway to end as a flaming wreck somewhere in Medford.
What do you make of all this buzzards’ luck we’ve having?
That the season is long. That streaks happen and we are helpless to control our emotions while inside them. That the Mets might quite possibly be cursed. That I am an utter fool for letting what they do dictate any part of my happiness.
Did you note that we got beat by two solo shots hit by Ian Desmond?
I did note that … wait, where are you going with this?
Is it true that Ian Desmond is on your fantasy baseball team?
It is.
Did you start him today?
I did not.
Did you not start him because he was facing the Mets?
No. I don’t do that. I let my fantasy team be my fantasy team. I don’t bench guys against my real team. Nor do I do that despicable bullshit of saying, well, “I hope the Mets beat my starter, but only by a 2-1 score and the one is a solo shot by that other guy on my fantasy team.” People who do that are terrible and should be horsewhipped.
So why didn’t you start Desmond?
Because I didn’t, OK?
How’d your fantasy-baseball matchup turn out?
Last I checked I was tied for home runs and down one in both runs and RBIs.
So if you’d started Desmond…
Just shut up.
Sorry, it’s just that —
It’s just that WHAT? That the Mets are so fucking Metsy at the moment that they got Metsiness all over my fantasy team too? Is that what you want me to fucking say?
Dude, calm down. And anyway, I don’t think ‘Metsiness’ is a word.
And I don’t think that was a question.
Fair enough. Still, you did predict the appearance of P.J. Conlon. That’s a little spooky, isn’t it?
Possibly.
And you invoked Hansel Robles as Ol’ Point to the Sky. Also spooky, no?
Predicting Hansel Robles will do something negative isn’t exactly the stuff of oracular greatness.
Did he point to the sky on Desmond’s second homer?
I was too disheartened to check. Hang on, let me look.
And?
He fucking pointed to the sky.
So should we believe you’re some kind of prophet?
If I could see the future, I would have found some other team to root for the moment they finished cleaning up after the World Series parade in October 1986. But I can’t, so I didn’t. And now I’m ride or die with this miserable fucking ballclub as they lose and get hurt and lose and walk in runs and lose and fail to hit and lose and point to the fucking sky and lose and lose and lose and lose.
Well. You seem like you need a moment. Maybe we should leave things there.
Yes, I think we’d better.
What the F did Sandy Alderson overdose on when he resigned Jay Blues – not his name, but that’s what he gives me – this winter? The guy was a colossal butt pain for parts of two seasons, and then they thought – hey! between our terrible debutees and the first base carcass someone else is paying quite a lot for, and the pretend-slugger that we can’t have face lefties because we can’t ever have him face lefties, what else can we do to completely suffocate any sentient fan as they routinely make 20 straight outs? Oh right, Jay Blues.
Also, Reyes. Reyes manages to look a heck of a lot worse than Rosario at this point, which is phenomenal given how completely out of place Rosario looks. You’d think the Mets drove past McDonalds on the way to the ballpark and signed the guy turning the meat patties. Can’t hit, can’t field. I would add that he can’t run, but to make sound judgment about that I would actually have to see him on base once in while.
I don’t know. Maybe kindly ask the Orioles for Ruben Tejada?
But you can find bright sides in even the most bitter of sixth-straight losses. Bright sides, bright sides. How about, Yo *not* needing emergency surgery after running the bases. And. Eh… so, Syndergaard walked in a run for the very first time, but he did *not* allow his first career grand slam!
That is all I got. In fact, it’s plenty for the first homestand ending 0-6 in six years.
Sky Pointer strikes again.
Hope PJ Conlon’s start doesn’t have us pining for Matt Harvey.
BTW, when he starts in a couple of weeks, boy, will that be must-see-TV!
So Jason, I suppose you missed the half-inning where Calloway decided to use Conforto to pinch hit. Against a tough lefty. With a righty bat – Reyes – on the bench. So he could use Nido to PH against a righty in the 9th.
That was impressive managerial acumen right there. I was yelling at the screen. Not that Reyes is likely to have done any better but how ridiculous it is to sit someone for two days – I had thought part of the reason was to help Conforto’s confidence – only to throw him in against a lefty when he doesn’t do all that great against them even when he’s not in a monster slump.
My other screen screams were for the batters that seem to have absolutely no plan when they go up. What’s particularly irritating is when they watch a fastball go by right down the middle but swing at the slider two feet off the plate in the dirt.
I was easily irritated yesterday anyway since the game took place in the middle of a gorgeous spring afternoon where I could have been doing something productive. At least Cincy’s in my blackout area, don’t have to see them for the next few days.
That’s some fancy writing, Jason.
I loved this. And, sadly, I can appreciate the added fantasy team agony.
Thanks for the smile in all of this darkness.
Well at least the Yankees are not doing well and also have no young talent.
It’s no fun watching such bad baseball, but I am much calmer since I’ve accepted that this is not a good team–I don’t have to worry that any game or at bat or play matters all that much because this team is going nowhere. We have a couple of good starting pitchers, erratic bullpen, no offense, poor fielding. And the team is old and slow. A Sandy Alderson team created within the constraints provided by the Wilpons. I’ve been watching since 1962 and 56 years of mostly losing has been wearing. The painful thing is that there doesn’t seem much prospect of improvement. Atlanta and the Phillies are down for a few years but then come back with enjoyable teams with a good mix of veterans and youth. The Mets go nowhere.
The Mets have developed maybe 5-10 top quality hitters in their whole 57 years existence. No use trying to explain it. Even being a relatively pitching rich organization over the years, you would think by accident they could have developed more all-star type hitters. There is very little on the horizon. I see no avenue for this team to win a championship in the foreseeable future unless they somehow build a farm system and that will take years. Clearly this ownership and Sandy aren’t getting it done. They re-hired Omar to try and do it and maybe he will. I would not bet on it, but there is always some faint hope.