We take pleasure in answering at once and thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its fitful author is numbered among the friends of THIS BLOG:
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“DEAR FAFIF: I am several decades old (and then some).
“Some of my middle-aged friends say there is a Santa Cohen.
“Sources say ‘If you see it on THIS BLOG, it’s so.’
“Please tell me the truth: is there a Santa Cohen?
“METS FAN
41 SEAVER WAY.”
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METS FAN, your middle-age friends may be wrong. They have been affected by the unfounded optimism of an otherwise skeptical age. They believed what they yearned to see. They thought that it was comprehensible that the team of which you are a fan could be whisked upward to new heights by an owner who would fling a sack off of his shoulder and purposefully empty its contents, which were surely to be revealed as many, many millions and millions of dollars that were no doubt to be directed toward the improvement of the team they were supremely confident he was going to own.
Yet, METS FAN, there may not be a Santa Cohen. We cannot at this time be certain one way or the other, but based on recent reports, it would be irresponsible of THIS BLOG to convince you Santa Cohen exists.
Santa Cohen may not exist as a cure-all to the array of your team’s problems.
Santa Cohen may not exist as the devoted cash cow you have envisioned.
Santa Cohen was never a sure thing, METS FAN. When you first became aware of the specter of Santa Cohen, all you saw, probably, were the sugar-plums that danced in your heads. A sugar-plum who pitched. A sugar-plum who patrolled center. A sugar-plum behind the plate who could both credibly catch and hit. Enough sugar-plums to overcome the perceived paucity of sugar-plums that had marked the enduring experiences of too many Mets fans like you. Everywhere the eye could see: sugar-plums! Santa Cohen wouldn’t ask how much the sugar-plums cost. Santa Cohen would simply deliver.
Alas, METS FAN, it has become clear you can’t absolutely count on Santa Cohen. Santa Cohen likely won’t shimmy down the chimney in time for Opening Day, or the Home Opener, or anytime in the season ahead. You should have realized that, METS FAN, when you first took note of Santa Cohen, because Santa Cohen never said explicitly announced he was coming this year. Actually, Santa Cohen laid low and left it to others to say he’d be along in five years if all the merry gentlemen were in agreement on the details of his arrival and what they would entail. Everything else — especially the notion that five years was TOO long for Santa Cohen to wait; and that there was NO way a figure as robust as Santa Cohen would lurk in the shadows while the team he owned continued to operate its dreary business as usual — was a product of childlike imagination.
Believe in Santa Cohen? You’d be better off believing in Polar Bears, Squirrels and Buffaloes. At least you’ve seen those.
To be fair, METS FAN, we don’t know with incorruptible certitude that Santa Cohen won’t magically materialize at some unforeseen date. You shouldn’t necessarily give up hope, because, METS FAN, you ARE a Mets fan, and hope is your eternal light, no matter who owns your team. But we have to admit that as of right now, Santa Cohen isn’t walking through that door let alone shimmying down that chimney.
As for the Wilpons, they live and they live forever. A thousand years from now, METS FAN, nay ten times ten thousand years from now, they will continue to make sad the heart of Mets fandom.
Or so it appears again.
Those who follow the wheelings and dealings of business tycoons: “Cohen is a wheeler and a dealer, this is likely a negotiation tactic.”
Those who follow the Mets: “We’re f’d.”
I know which one is right. It was nice to have that dream for a little while.
well, it did all seem a little too easy – esp given the apparent succession terms.
all that ‘begotten cash could be nice but all i really want for christmas is a front office that’s baseball smart and can realize a winning concept.
Bernie Madoff is ill and may get out of jail. No wonder the deal broke down.
The boys are back in town!
We can’t get no satisfaction?
Well, here’s hoping that the Katz family remains firm in its resolve to sell rather than allow Jeff to run the franchise, and the fact that “legacy money” is on the table can only help to stiffen that resolve.
“Santa Cohen”???
Just the theological implications should have made it obvious that this was a hoax, Yet another football for St. Lucy to pull out from beneath Charlie Blue-Orange’s feet.
So how about this – we thought that Judah Maccacohen would light a candle that would miraculously stay lit for five years so that the Holy of Holies could be purged, only to look up and discover the armies of Antiofred Wilpophenes coming on stronger than ever.
I only laugh so I won’t cry.
If you plunked down 2 billion dollars to buy the team why would you let Jeff Wilpon run it even for a day let alone five years this guy wouldn’t be gainfully employed anywhere if his father didn’t own the team.
I believe it was the great Jimmy Breslin who had a terrific spot-on description of idiot-sons like Jeff Wilpon: “He was born on third-base and thinks he hit a triple.”
A brief internet search suggests it was first accredited to Barry Switzer. (?) Jim Hightower more famously used it to describe Poppy Bush.
No disrespect to Jimmy.
Didn’t realize Santa Cohen was more than likely a crook. The Wilpons seem to be attracted ho this element:
From 2016:
NEW YORK (Reuters) – Billionaire investor Steven A. Cohen on Thursday won the dismissal of a long-running lawsuit in which his former wife accused him of cheating her out of millions of dollars in their 1990 divorce.
Chief Judge Loretta Preska of the U.S. District Court in Manhattan said Patricia Cohen failed to show that her former husband fraudulently hid $5.5 million from a soured 1986 New York City real estate transaction, enabling him to lowball his net worth.
The decision for now removes another legal overhang for Cohen, who converted SAC into Point72 Asset Management LP after SAC pleaded guilty in 2013 to criminal insider trading charges and paid $1.8 billion in settlements with U.S. authorities.
I saw Jeffrey kissing Santa Cohen…