0-0

So Victor Hall and Yusmeiro Petit joined forces to put us over the top in the latest chapter of our long struggle against the Washington Nationals…oh yeah, I forgot. Anyway, nice way to close out the exhibition season — I heard about half the game, and the D.C. fans sure sounded excited.

Time for some post-Florida moratoriums:

* Grumbling about Randolph's Rules of Order is suspended until Memorial Day. Those determined to violate this order must first intone “we battled” after five consecutive losses.
* Immediately after the completion of tonight's season opener,  any and all warm wishes for the Boston Red Sox not of the “enemy of my enemy” variety are verboten. They're enemies again; the bandwagon is returning to Boston for storage with those kooky duck boats.
* Now that they're family, grousing about Hernandez, Heredia, Aybar, Matthews and Koo is hereby declared suspended — until Pedro walks off the mound at some point tomorrow afternoon.
* No one is allowed to wear electric blue with black until next February. A small silver lining in the dark cloud of Cablevision shenanigans: Those horrors were invisible for two-thirds of my spring. (If the powers that be should like to make this moratorium a permanent ban, they have my enthusiastic support.)
* Howie Rose must never, ever again sing “Complicated” by Avril Lavigne over the air, even if doing so might prevent an act of nuclear terrorism. If you don't know what I'm talking about, trust me.

Speaking of WFAN, our next burning question is which Met should get the nickname of “American Chopper.” This year's first inescapable radio promo is Tone Loc shilling for some cable-TV show by announcing that “American Chopper's in the hoouuuuuuse.” As with previous exhortations (“I seen better hands onna snake!”), it's so bad it's good.

Off to Cincinnati. We're oh-and-oh.