The Braves are out of the playoffs — and their cause of death was the Mets.
The Pirates beat the Brewers, and the Mets finished the deed with a 10-2 decimation that didn’t seem as close as that score suggests.
Let us therefore now observe a moment of silence … whoa, I seem to have badly misspelled “round of high-fiving while cackling with an unseemly glee.”
Seriously, fuck the Braves. Fuck them for all the horrible things they did to us in previous baseball generations, when they were the car and we were the dog barking and snapping uselessly at the bumper. Fuck them for their entitled fans who took a dynasty for granted and wouldn’t fill the stadium for a playoff game. Fuck them for holding up taxpayers for a new stadium when there was nothing particularly wrong with the old one except they could get a better deal elsewhere. Fuck them for Bobby Cox and Chipper and Andruw Jones and John Rocker and Michael Tucker and Steve Avery and Chief Noc-a-Homa and the cheating with the catcher’s batter’s box. Fuck them for those horrible red tops. Fuck them for everything I can think of and everything you can think of and then let’s ask some more people and come back and say fuck them for all of that too.
I’d add fuck Fredi Gonzalez, but I think he’s pretty fucked as it is. After a gag job like that, the question isn’t who should go but who, if anybody, deserves to stay.
The Braves played horribly yet again today, with no one looking more bored and limp while losing than B.J. Upton. They got eviscerated and embarrassed, and they didn’t seem either devastated or disappointed by it. (Oh yeah — fuck T@m Glav!ne, no matter what uniform you picture him in.) As we all know, the Mets have their problems. But there’s something hollow and broken about the Braves. Good luck fixing it, by which I mean I hope they never do.
On the winning side of the romp, here’s a potential last shake of the shaggy mop for Jacob deGrom. Ideally, deGrom’s season would end with a happy sendoff at Citi Field next weekend and a 10th win to cement his Rookie of the Year credentials. Ideally, but more likely that’s it for deGrom, felled by the dreaded innings limit. Whatever the case, in an odd way it was one of his more impressive outings in a most impressive season — he fanned eight of the first 11 Braves, then dialed his fastball down a few ticks to conserve energy for when he needed it. DeGrom’s thunderbolt arm is marvelous, of course, but he also has the head to go with it.
The Mets are now a skinny half-game behind those Braves. A rational person would say it’s mildly in the Mets’ interests not to finish ahead of them, because of draft picks and slot money. That rational person is undoubtedly correct. But I don’t want to be rational. I want my team to finish ahead of the Braves, and then I want to look back at them and laugh. And then next year I want it to happen again, but with a lot more distance between us.
AMEN
A post like this explains the difference between Mets fans and Braves fans….PASSION! Not the most eloquent article I’ve read on FFIF but fuck the Braves! I’ve seen too much bad stuff go down here watching the Mets over the last 20 years not to revel in the Braves demise.
And while we’re at it, fuck the Tomohawk Chop, which was marginally cute in the early 90s, but now makes for a truly unpleasant viewing experience even in semi-meaningful mid-season games. I’m not saying it’s particularly racist like the name of the Washington Football Team—it’s just become such a zombie-like ritual (and that’s a flattering description). There’d be more outcry about it but it seems the public is collectively shrugging its shoulders and saying “Fuck the Cobb County Braves”.
You nailed it – they look absolutely ridiculous moving their stupid foam axe slowly up and down in rhythm to dopey organ music. It’s not a chop, which implies some sort of zest or vigor, and most people don’t have an accessory so they just move their arm. They should rename it the Vague Gesture.
……and fuck Andrew Jones for not swinging at that last pitch from Kenny Rogers in ’99 and Brian Jordan for hitting that grand slam off John Franco back in 2011 and their stupid mascot Homer that’s a direct ripoff of Mr. Met. Ahhh.. Very cathartic…thanks Jason.
YES and the best to all these rabble rousing posters, starting with Jason, and by extension, of course, Greg.
Of course, we best hope our house is in more order… Too bad Chris Young didn’t get picked up by ATL. Though well, where he is also makes sense.
Now let’s hope Mets fans passions can balance out Mets owners’ indifference and/or pigheadedness.
Yeah, that felt good.
Now, if we can just sweep Washington…
Amen! Now if we could only get Jeff caught on tape by TMZ demeaning female employees…
Finally, scoreboard watching…how cool would it be to pass the Braves in the standings? And they have to play the Bucs next, who have lots to play for. And fuck G|@v¡ne, just because.
And I recently learned that the upcoming season of Survivor will feature as a contestant none other than that piece of trailer park trash John Rocker. It will be very nice to see him get his ass kicked in a few challenges before being solemnly told that the tribe has spoken, followed by former tribe mates giving him the finger as he walks off.
As a Met fan living in Georgia, thanks for this post Jason. I wouldn’t say Braves fans are entitled as much as they are woefully ignorant of the game. I went to my last game at Turner this season in August, and a fan sitting right behind me asked his friend in all seriousness ‘has anyone ever hit it out of this stadium?’ Not to mention every flyball gets a gasp like it’s going to the moon, and the chop starts even with two outs, down a million runs and the base runner got to first by leaning into a pitch. If it isn’t college football fans here just don’t have a clue what’s going on.
Well said! Went to see a game there last year when they were so full of themselves and a guy behind me said that Andrelton Simmons was as good as Jeter. Lou, you’re right, clueless. Thank you boys for serving up a shit sandwich this weekend!
To be fair, as a fielder Simmons is as good as 10 Jeters covering the entire arc between third and second.
I’m no fan of the Jeter, but you get my drift.
And keeping in the spirit….fuck the “draft picks and slot money”. As another mediocre NY coach once said, “You play to win the game.” So let’s win some games and finish ahead of the fucking Braves. Gosh, that felt good.
Was at the games on Sat and Sun, wearing orange and blue. While almost everyone was nice to me and my wife, to the two trolls who came down to sit directly behind me yesterday mid game (and leave early like a shit fan does) just to clap and chant in my ear, do your shit chop right over my shoulder, and disparage the Mets with your endless mindless blather here is a hearty FUCK YOU! It was your house so I didn’t say anything during the game, but it was on my mind the whole time, especially when we were wearing out home plate with our spikes.
Thanks for the inspiration Jason.
LGM!
And you know what though? Los Bravos (to use Keith’s term) seem like a team that could just use some new blood, and I’m willing to let bygones be bygones and help them out in their hour of need and as of today, new interim GM. Give you Lucas Duda and Ruben Tejada for Freddie Freeman and Andrelton Simmons. Want to throw Justin Upton in, we’ll also give you Josh Satin and maybe even Gonzalez Germen. Don’t mention it.
And fuck Ted Turner, Jane Fonda and the Goodwill Games.
Refreshing & cheerful.
Nice Monday morning reading!
Let’s Go Mets!
Wait: what’s the business with the batter’s box? I missed something.
Braves catchers would set up far off the plate and get insane strike calls for their hallowed pitching staff. Unless there’s something else nefarious that went on in that region.
I got it a bit wrong — it was the catcher’s box.
From 2000:
The Atlanta Braves were so angry that TBS aired video showing the Turner Field catcher’s box had been altered that team officials banned the cable channel’s four baseball announcers from the Braves’ chartered flights.
Skip Caray, Joe Simpson, Don Sutton and Pete Van Wieren usually fly with the Braves players, coaches and staff. Now, they will have to use commercial flights, beginning with the road trip to Montreal and New York starting today.
The four announcers are employees of TBS. Time Warner Inc. is the parent company of both the cable channel and the baseball team.
When asked Monday for comment on the dispute, Braves President Stan Kasten replied, “No, thank you.”
Simpson, reached at his home Monday, declined to comment.
The other three broadcasters could not be reached.
TBS aired the video on the catcher’s box in the top of the first inning of Saturday night’s game.
After plate umpire John Shulock called a balk on catcher Fernando Lunar for lining up with his right foot outside the box, TBS superimposed video of Friday night’s catcher’s box over the current version. Saturday’s was about 4 to 5 inches smaller.
The balk figured in the Brewers’ first run in what turned out to be a 2-1 loss for the Braves and pitcher Greg Maddux, and the on-field dispute led to manager Bobby Cox’s ejection from the game.
“Get off the plane, Pete, though we’ll wear a patch for you down the road.”
Great read this morning Jason, thanks!! Shout out for perfect responses go to:
Rubin on the tomahawk chop
Lou in GA for “every flyball gets a gasp like it’s been hit to the moon”
Greg Prince “get off the plane Pete-but we’ll wear a patch for you down the road.”
LMAO and the Braves can kiss my NY ass!
I loved that fourth paragraph. It seemed like we hadn’t topped those bastards since the 1969 NLCS. I pounded my fist on my desktop in agreement with each sentence.
Keep it up, Mets; six more games to go! LGM!
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