The New York Mets have issued the following statement.
The Mets sincerely regret the incident that took place with one of our beat writers following today’s game in the clubhouse.
The Mets also sincerely regret the incident that took place with one of our relievers during today’s game on the mound.
The Mets further regret the incident that continues to take place with most of our players during this season’s schedule.
The Mets totally regret that we’ve stayed under .500, been stuck in fourth place and generally reverted to an all-too-familiar form after an offseason of desperately trying to deliver the impression that we knew what we were doing.
The Mets regret that we don’t seem to know what we’re doing.
The Mets…well, this might be easier if we express what we, the Mets, don’t regret.
We don’t regret Pete Alonso hitting his 27th home run, thereby setting our franchise rookie record in our 78th game. We’d be making a bigger deal of this milestone — he surpassed Darryl Strawberry, for goodness sake — but we’ve had some incidents.
We don’t regret Jacob deGrom pitching six solid innings against the Cubs and putting us in line for a road series win for the first time since earliest April.
We regret that you’ve already probably forgotten we won two games in a row, including a really nice win on Saturday.
We don’t regret making sure we’d have Jacob deGrom for the next several years, though we wonder if deep down he regrets deciding to be with us that long.
We don’t regret the ongoing success produced by Jeff McNeil, even though you think we might have some regrets concerning McNeil considering we didn’t start him and his extraordinary hot streak on Sunday.
We don’t regret Seth Lugo being the antithesis of our Mets bullpen despite being a part of it. We don’t know where we’d be in the late innings without Seth. Seriously, we don’t know. Wasn’t that obvious Sunday when Seth was having a tough go of it and Mickey Callaway stayed with him to the club’s overall detriment because Mickey’s options, like his imagination, is limited?
We regret the rest of our bullpen, if we can be said to have one.
We regret much of the rest of our team.
We regret Mickey Callaway.
We regret Mickey Callaway’s limited aptitude for managing, Mickey Callaway’s tortured explanations of his managing and, this is a new one, Mickey Callaway cursing out a reporter after we lost Sunday’s game at Wrigley Field, 5-3.
We regret that Mickey took the anodyne words spoken by Tim Healey of Newsday — “see you tomorrow, Mickey” — and interpreted them as some sort of insult.
We regret that Mickey’s response to “see you tomorrow” was not “yeah, see ya, Tim,” but rather “don’t be a smartass, motherfucker.”
We regret that “see you tomorrow” would trigger Mickey, though we sort of understand it given that Mickey’s status as manager is day-to-day and therefore might not include a tomorrow.
We regret that Jason Vargas proceeded to stare down Tim Healey and threatened to “knock you the fuck out, bro.”
We regret that Jason Vargas wouldn’t be kinder to someone he considers a bro.
We regret that Jason Vargas had to be restrained by teammates.
We had only recently begun to cease regretting having signed Jason Vargas.
We haven’t yet begun to cease regretting a number of other players.
We haven’t yet begun to cease regretting the manager.
We haven’t yet begun to cease regretting the general manager.
We haven’t yet begun to cease regretting ourselves, really.
We even kind of regret our fans, as you can infer if you follow @mets during games.
We sometimes have to be restrained from stating our regrets.
Where were we?
Oh yeah, regretful. So very regretful.
We regret we have to issue statements apologizing to reporters for verbally and possibly physically attacking them — and apologizing in general to everybody that this is how we allow our frustrations to manifest themselves — but that, like fourth place, is where we are. So here’s the rest of our statement:
We do not condone this type of behavior from any employee. The organization has reached out and apologized to this reporter and will have further discussions internally with all involved parties.
There. Ya happy?
Too bad. Neither are we.
Best Mickey move of the day? IMO it was in the top of the 8th inning and Alonso aboard with Fazier due up ag Cishek and his nasty side (Right) arm delivery. With McNeil and Smith on the bench he leaves in the Todfather who hits it hard but a long flyout, end of the inning. In the bottom of the inning, however, he inserts McNeil at 3rd base. Does that make any sense to anyone? Mickey probably realized a tad too late that his certain All Star was available and he should try to get him an at bat. Perhaps he should have been inserted for Cano who led off the 9th with what had to be the single worst at bat of his Hall of Fame if not for the fact he cheated career. I like Mickey, hate the Wilpons owning this team, although not them personally, and regret that the 50th anniversary season is sinking into Flushing Bay.
Completely agree and
CANO MUST GO!!
I regret A Met Evoking Disappointment only being able to stop balls hit to his right side when he lets them hit him almost square in the bum.
I regret that this has to be the least of my regrets.
I regret Seth Lugo not having his very best stuff on Sunday, or any stuff at all, or that in fact he had nothing except for a uniform on his body, on which your mileage may vary.
I regret blowing a fuse when Javier Baez hit a home run right into my strained nerve, and posting a profanity-laced tirade about our [redacted] manager [redacted] somewhere else.
I regret our manager being dumb as [redacted] and [redacted] blind, because in addition to Gary, Ron, 40,000 fans, all the paid Cubs personnel including hot dog vendors, even me and the plush toy raccoon that watches games with me (because with this team you may need something to embrace and hold on to at any second) could see that Lugo had nothing and that Doomsday was approaching fast. Yet Captain Mickey found nothing wrong with Seth.
I regret that Robert Gsellman could do nothing but pick his nose while Javier Baez smothered the Mets’ hope of winning their first road series in almost three months.
I regret that Seth Lugo was stuck with an “L”, although he was nowhere near the biggest loser involved in Sunday’s game.
I regret the Mets front office entrusting Captain Mickey with much of anything; managing, advising pitchers, talking to reporters, selling popcorn, when his 6.27 career ERA obviously doesn’t qualify him for any of these things, and I wouldn’t want him around a Mets game in as little a capacity as a ball dude.
I regret the same Mets front office having picked up $85m’s worth of a certain second baseman who once more did not bother running to first, this time on an uncaught strike three, where he might have been out by 45 feet in 44 out of 45 cases, but you are still supposed to hustle because 1 in 45 ain’t zero.
I regret that the same second baseman flailed in the first place at strike three that the Cubs hurler offering it had aimed vaguely at Cambodia.
I regret that Captain Mickey’s share of all there is to know about baseball is definitely less than 1 in 45.
I regret that Jason Vargas now seems to be bros with Bobby Bonilla.
I regret that Bobby Bonilla will still draw paychecks from the Mets long after they will have exposed Captain Mickey for the fraud that he is.
I regret that as of posting this, Captain Mickey, Brodie Van Waffletown, and Robinson Cano seem to still be employed by the Mets.
I regret that the talents of Pete Alonso, Jeff McNeil, and Brooks Pounders are wasted on this garden variety train wreck of a baseball team.
Yes. Yes.
CANO MUST GO!!!
“We have a very good plan”.
“We know what we’re doing and we’re going to stick to it.” I think that was my favorite quote of the day. I guess the plan was to blow as many winnable games as possible and field shitty teams on Sundays. Maybe the plan was to start at the bottom and stay there? What you’re doing doesn’t work unless 4th place is the measurable goal you’ve been working towards.
The Cano deal alone should cost Brodie his job, let alone Lowrie, Familia. Typical Mets: we had a lame duck GM pick the manager, now we may have another lame duck (just lame?) GM pick another manager.
Who is this Jed Lowrie everybody keeps talking about? Some sort of prospect we have? Can’t find any stats of him!
-.-
Absolutely and unequivocally:
CANO MUST GO!!
If Vargas punches as hard as he pitches, Healy had nothing to worry about.
Headline: “Mets Pitcher Breaks Three Fingers on Reporter’s Face”
Well, at least they’re getting mean and not getting soft.
We’re on to Philly.
Kind of reminded of a line my grandmother used all the time, “If it’s not one thing, it’s a million others.”
Dear Melania Trump,
Where can I get one of those I really don’t care do u jackets? I think it’s more appropriate than wearing number 24.
Sincerely,
Robinson Cano
Most certainly.
CANO MUST GO!!
This is what is known as a “firestorm of controversy”.
BVW better bring a big hose to the ballpark tonight.
Mike Francesa who is not only horrible but horribly wrong 3/4s of time, boasted all winter 1) how close he is to Cano 2) how Cano will absolutely surely no doubt have a great big major year this year. Maybe he was told privately he’d be back on PEDs.
Well then:
MIKE AND CANO MUST GO!!
And speaking of the over-inflated, all knowing gas-bag that is Francesa; today a caller was making a point about how useless and washed up Cano is, and Mighty Mike summarily cut him off. Message delivered; don’t dare contradict the rudest, most classless radio host on the air.
i regret that mickey thinks that simply bucking conventional, casual observation ( ie. lugo had nothing left) passes in mickey’s mind for stubborn creativity. how else to explain??
i don’t regret that we may be finally approaching the end of his short-but-excruciating tenure.
only then will we be able to utter “brodie’s next”
i regret *he* will not go – as he keeps the wilpon’s ‘swindle me once…’ track record off the table.
after current GM returns to life as an agent they’ll say
“brodie made off!” because he will have.
I wouldn’t regret it if one of the clubhouse attendants accidentally spilled something in Cano’s Gatorade . . . another PED banning is our best hope of being rid of him and the disgrace he does not only to the Mets uniform but also to #24 which they never should have allowed him to wear
The problem is, if Cano was caught using PEDs, it would be proof that they’re no longer performance-enhancing.
The problem is that Sid Bream, Age 58, could circle the bases in the time it takes Cano to shuffle his unworthy bum to first base.
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