Well That Was Also Certainly Ridiculous

I was right to be wary of Bryce Harper after a lousy game Thursday: BOOM Harper hit for the cycle.

It’s always a good call to be wary of Kyle Schwarber: BOOM two home runs in the third inning alone, 913 feet worth of pain, and then a homer to a more mortal distance later on. Funny how they all count the same.

Freddy Peralta was on the mound, and did nothing to make me revise my lukewarm “him again?” opinion. The 2026 version of Peralta springs from a special precinct of Baseball Hell: the guy touted as reliable in that he’ll take the ball every fifth day, only to have you realize you’d be better off if he took the ball less often. Peralta’s season has decayed to the point where he’s meh in the rotation and useless as a trade chip. If the Mets fall out of contention — which they’ve already thoroughly done, who are we kidding ourselves? — what are you getting back for a couple of months of Freddy Peralta? A failed prospect stuck in high-A whom nobody wants to talk about anymore? A case of stale Big League Chew? A wallet of Myanmar cryptocurrency?

Besides chronicles of labor strife, the offseason will be chock full of “How to fix the Mets” plans. Here’s the start of mine:

1. Mark Vientos is never allowed to challenge — a sniper will be in the on-deck circle with a dart gun, ready if Vientos’ hand so much as approaches his head.
2. David Stearns is forbidden from acquiring any more Brewers. Not even if Jacob Misiorowski becomes available in some dodgy MLB lottery, or a mad scientist with a vat full of bubbling DNA clones Robin Yount.

Anyway, once the score got to “Is Zack Short going three innings or just two?” territory, I turned the game off, which I make zero apology for. Instead of watching the Mets get pummeled, I watched The Killers, an awesome film noir with Burt Lancaster and Ava Gardner that has a wonderfully twisty plot and some jaw-dropping tracking shots. Highly recommended instead of the next Mets game.

Hmm. I see Short only went one inning — but was somehow unscored upon. Anyone opposed to him taking Peralta’s next start?