Now go on, boy, and pay attention. Because if you do, someday, you may achieve something that we Simpsons have dreamed about for generations: You may outsmart someone.
—Homer Simpson’s advice to Bart upon his entering the Enriched Learning Center for Gifted Children

I’m booking an Acela special for all Mets fans who want to zoom down […]

I was at the post office Friday afternoon and stood in line behind somebody who looked very familiar. It was driving me crazy, so I tapped him on the shoulder to ask if he was who I thought he was.

“Excuse me, aren't you the 2009 Mets?”

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

“Wow, I'm a big fan.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Shame about how […]

“If he’s so dumb, how come he’s president?”
—Gerald Ford’s campaign slogan, as reported by Chevy Chase on Weekend Update, 1975

Those who cut the Mets miles and miles of slack for sucking as badly as they do point to the injuries. How could have we expected them to contend without their key players? I’ll buy that. […]

The New York Mets whittled their magic number to clinch 4th place in the National League East to 6 when the Philadelphia Phillies defeated the Washington Nationals 5-0. The Mets, however, continued to imbue the Battle for the Upper Basement with tension, strategically configuring a shutout loss of their own at the hands of the […]

For those of you following the most underreported race in baseball, the New York Mets' magic number to clinch 4th place in the National League East is 7. Any combination of Met wins and Washington National losses totaling 7 will give the Mets their third full-season fourth-place finish ever and their first since 2004; they […]