First off, very important…
BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
YOU SUCK, METS!
WHY DIDN'TCHA WIN BY MORE THAN 14-1?
HEY ZAMBRANO — NEXT TIME GO NINE!
WHAT'SA MATTER CASTRO? ONLY FIVE RBI?
WILLIE, YOU LACK PRESCIENCE NOT INSTALLING MIKE JACOBS AT FIRST FOUR-AND-A-HALF MONTHS AGO!
WRIGHT AND REYES, THERE'S NO GUARANTEE THAT THE AMAZING PROGRESS YOU'RE MAKING AND GENERAL EXCELLENCE YOU'RE DISPLAYING VIRTUALLY EVERY GAME WON'T OCCASIONALLY BE INTERRUPTED FOR MISTAKES THAT WILL EVENTUALLY LEAD TO GROWTH, “EVENTUALLY” BEING A CONCEPT THAT I AS A METS FAN CAN'T UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I WANT MORE, MORE, MORE NOW, NOW, NOW!!!
GRAVES! KOO! HEREDIA FOR THAT MATTER! WHERE ARE YOU SO I CAN BLAME YOU FOR SOMETHING! MY OVERREACTION REQUIRES AN IMMEDIATE OUTLET!
BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
YOU SUCK, METS!
YOUR SEASON-HIGH FIVE-GAMES-OVER MILESTONE SHOULD HAVE COME SOONER!
Actually, I totally mean the last one, but the important thing remains helping the Mets feel at home when they're on the road. Therefore we must continue to heap unreasonable amounts of irrational abuse on them. I've now begun two away games by booing the first pitch (to my favorite player, no less, a bit of shared sacrifice to reinforce that we're all in this together), and the Mets have won them both. Seeing as how this is the first two-game winning streak the Mets have put together west of the Mississippi all season (7-14 out yonder), I do insist that making our boys feel as if they are at Shea — where they are cheerlessly chastised despite posting an outstanding winning percentage — is what's doing the trick.
Couldn't be that they were good enough to do this all along and just needed a little boost from the likes of Jacobs and Castro and a refreshed Victor Diaz.
Nah, that would be too easy, giving them the credit.
Maybe the BOB has more Shealike qualities than one could infer from watching it on TV or even visiting it. Well, Shea is next to an airport and Bank One Ballpark has been likened to an airplane hangar, but that's all I can come up with. I was lucky enough to visit the BOB in its second season, 1999, back when Joel Lugo was basking in the Valley of the Sun and gracious enough to host several of his East Coast buddies for a Mets-Diamondbacks NLDS preview. What I remember about the facility was that it was very chilly (or “brisk” as noted Mets fan Dr. Fred Bunz aptly put it). Phoenix itself was like a thousand degrees, a fact that baked one and all the second they tore the roof off the sucker after the game. But inside, they kept it Colorado-cool. Howie and Gary reported Tuesday night that they've installed new grass in there since the Showalter days and have maintained a warmer temperature to assure its long-term health.
Warm enough for the Mets, apparently: two out, no longer alone in last and, finally, five games over .500 for the first time since gas was a dollar a gallon, The Captain & Tennille were on the charts and James K. Polk was in the White House.
Or so it seems.
Speaking of grass, occasionally it's browner on the other side of the fence no matter how arid you believe it to be in your yard. Channeling Chauncey Gardner? No, Gotham Baseball.
You keep booing, I'll keep crashing at 8:30 and waking up at 10:30 and finding us with a lead. As Crash Davis taught us, you don't fuck with a winning streak.
Your booing reminds me of my brother's mojo trick.
He was convinced that, if he rooted openly for his team, the gods would punish him by causing his team to fail catastrophically at a crucial moment.
So, before a big game, he would go out and buy the cap of the OTHER team, and would sit and watch the game wearing it, openly rooting for the other team.
According to his twisted logic, the gods, in their perverse desire to screw him over, would send his purported team to defeat, thus securing victory for his actual team.
The fact that he switched his actual allegiances every season or so made this all very hard to keep track of.
He accumulated many caps.
Your trick is cheaper.
Zambrano, you SUCK!!!! So what if you generally give up 1-3 runs a game… every once in a while you give up 5, so my Met Fan Overreaction Gene kicks into high gear and demands that you be removed from the rotation at once because you SUCK!! For heaven's sake, it's not as if every pitcher gives up 5 runs sometimes!! Your occasional suckitude is unique to pitchers!! You're the only one in our rotation who gives up runs, and certainly the only pitcher in baseball!! I don't care if your high ERA reflects like two bad games… YOU STILL SUCK!!!!
As for Graves, don't give me that “relievers need to pitch more than once a week” crap. When we put you in, you SUCKED!!! What's that you say? “I sucked BECAUSE I only pitched once a week?” What a lame excuse!! I don't believe in cause and effect… I'm a Met fan. I believe that what I see before me right this second is what is, was and will ever be. There are never extenuating circumstances for anything, and if there are, I refuse to consider or even listen to them. The only acceptable explanation for sucking is that you just SUCK. All I know is that every player who is not perfect at all times SUCKS and should be taken off the roster immediately, if not murdered on the spot. Baseball players are not human, and therefore do not deserve the same sort of consideration anyone else in any other profession might receive. They're rich, therefore I demand total perfection at all times!!!
I think I'm getting the hang of this. And I tell ya, it's a whole lot easier to be this way than to be a rational, thinking, intelligent baseball fan. Much easier on the brain. I kind of like being Knee-Jerk Overreaction Met Fan!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
And while I'm at it, Matsui, you SUCK!!!! You are personally and wholly responsible for all the Mets' cares and woes, whether you're in the lineup or not. If you're there and we lose, we lost because of you. If you're not there and we lose, we lost because you didn't bother to play. If you're there and we win, we won in spite of you. If you're not there and we win, we won because you weren't there.
Get it? What's the common denominator in every scenario? That's right, YOU!!! You, you, you!! It's all because of you!!! Win or lose, you are the catalyst and are to blame for everything. You are singlehandedly destroying the 2005 Mets, and everything would be perfect if you were taken off the roster immediately. Even if our performance didn't particularly improve when you were on the DL for like two months… So what? I am a Met fan, I DO NOT RESPOND TO LOGIC!!!!!! It's ALL YOU!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Now just be sure to stick your head out the window and shout all that tonight shortly after 10 and we'll be in business.
Ummm, I liked it better when we just hated Yankee fans…Self-loathing doesn't come natural to me as a Gentile or as a Met fan. And Laurie's yelling frightens me and makes me sad
If you'd stayed in Phoenix, you'd be much more relaxed about it right now. You might even be retired.
But I like that you equate “self” to “Mets”. And to think I was worried six years ago that you and Max were going to convert to Diamondbackism.
Max currently enjoys a smorgasborg of teams: Red Sox, Mets, Diamondbacks and A's. While he does know where his daddy's affections lie, his heart is still big enough to embrace many loves. Ah youth. He does request, though, that I pick a team in each contest we watch as the team “we” want to win. Included in this are “extreme” dodgeball matches, major, minor and little league baseball, WNBA (how did that get on?), college, pro and pickup basketball or any game in which teams oppose one another. He doesn't yet understand just watching a game because it's on and not rooting for or agin one of the teams. Not sure if I do either but I still do it.
Greg- keep booing. Everyone. Constantly.
Jason- Go to sleep every night at 8:30 until further notice, no matter what time anything else is happening. AM and PM, just to be safe.
Me? I'm not going to eat, shower, drink, change clothes or sleep until the end of October. But then, I suppose that's really only notable for the eating, drinking, and sleeping…