As a service to our readers who adhere to more traditional work schedules, this blog provides a series of snappy in-the-know water cooler comebacks to prove that you are fan enough to handle the West Coast start times even if you really aren't.
Faith and Fear in Flushing: We stay up and watch the Mets win so you don't have to.
LAME OUT-OF-IT CO-WORKER: Kaz Matsui sucks.
SMART IN-THE-KNOW YOU: Not when he was hitting that inside-the-park home run in his first at-bat, his third year in a row with a homer in just that situation.
LOOICW: Kaz Matsui can't play second.
SITKY: Kaz hung tough on a great double play after the Padres loaded the bases with nobody out. They didn't score.
LOOICW: Julio Franco hasn't done anything except yell at Carlos Beltran.
SITKY: Julio Franco became the oldest man EVER to hit a home run in a Major League game.
LOOICW: I don't know why they keep Endy Chavez on the club.
SITKY: Endy put down the most beautiful drag bunt to bring home Reyes from third.
LOOICW: Delgado's slumping.
SITKY: Delgado hit a BOMB.
LOOICW: Floyd's in a funk. He'll probably be out indefinitely.
SITKY: Cliff was back in the lineup and drove in the final run.
LOOICW: Jose Valentin will never get a base hit.
SITKY: Jose Valentin got a base hit.
LOOICW: Jorge Julio is worthless.
SITKY: Jorge Julio pitched another 1-2-3 inning. He looked pretty sharp doing it. The whole bullpen came through.
LOOICW: The Mets lost two in a row to the Braves and have to go on a ten-game road trip. They're so screwed.
SITKY: The Mets increased their lead to 3-1/2 over idle Atlanta. Good pitching, timely hitting. They played like the first-place team they are no matter where they are.
LOOICW: Mets suck.
SITKY: Mets rule. You suck.
Great post…kind of the opposite of this one, which has been one of my favs…
http://faithandfear.blogharbor.com/blog/_archives/2005/7/9/1009556.html
some of us bloggers have a hard time thinking straight, when they've been at work for the last 12 hours :)
LOOICW: Mets suck.
SITKY: Mets rule. You suck.
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Excellent.
I've advised my 10-yr-old daughter, when accosted unprovoked by classmate Chokee fans with “Mets Suck” to reply “So's yer mom”. Boy, the Missus was unhappy with that!
We compromised, her standard terse reply now is either “Steroids” or “Biggest Choke Ever”. The sick part is that these front-running little bastards feel the need to confront her at all. Can't you just enjoy a near-unprecedented run of success? A pox on them all. It'll be great when they slip back into obscurity and the Mets er-assume their rightful (Wrightful?) position atop the NY sports world.
er-assumeThat would be 're-assume”, a word I pretty much made up.
I had the misfortune of being 10 at the beginning of the now-waning reign of the Evil Empire. Kids that age can be vicious, especially if they're Yankee fans. I liked the defense tactic my uncle taught me – ask the heckling front-runner to identify the starting lineup of one of the shitty Yankee teams of the early 90s, because chances are most of 'em didn't pay any attention to those years.
i have a couple of lines i trot out when confronted with skankfans who are unpleasantly aggressive.
if they talk about their great run i note that their last championship was last millennium and that, actually, the only thing they've achieved since then (aside from the biggest choke in professional sports history) is become the all time leader in world series LOSSES. (they now have lost 13, you could look it up.) yup they're the biggest LOSERS.
also, if they mutter about 26 championships, i say, yeah? name 'em — and if you can't, you can't use the number, you FRONTRUNNER.
they often change the topic after that.
And what do you say to the many Skank fans who are pleasant and tolerable?
i let him pass.
I actually LOVE it when I hear “26 RINGS, BAY-BEEEEEEEEEE!” because, that's when I know I've won.
“26 RINGS, BAY-BEEEEEEEEEE!” is the last bullet in the gun
“26 RINGS, BAY-BEEEEEEEEEE!” is the last arrow in the quiver.
“26 RINGS, BAY-BEEEEEEEEEE!” means they're out of arguments, out of ideas, out of breath
“26 RINGS, BAY-BEEEEEEEEEE!” is the Yankee fan's equivalent of “Oh, yeah?”
It means you've won.