Thank you for your interest in joining the Chipper Jones Metropolitan Victim Club. Please fill out the attached application fully, and Mr. Jones’s selection committee will meet at home plate to inform you of your membership status in a timely manner.
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NAME: Josh Edgin
AGE: 25
AFFILIATION: Buffalo Bisons New York Mets
DATE OF REQUEST: July 13, 2012
MAJOR LEAGUE EXPERIENCE: 4 Batters
PREFERRED VENUE:
X Turner Field
_ Shea Stadium Citi Field
_ Other
PREFERRED LIGHTING:
X On
_ Off
PREFERRED COMPETITIVE CIRCUMSTANCE:
_ Innocuous Early Season Matchup
X Midseason Meeting With Standings Implications
_ Pressure-Packed September Pennant Race Showdown
_ Heartbreaking National League Championship Series
PREFERRED GAME SITUATION:
_ Blowout
_ Tie
X Blowout That Seemed On The Verge Of Becoming A Tie
PROJECTED INTERNAL RESPONSE (Choose All That Apply):
X “Jesus, he’s still doing this to us after all these years.”
X “I knew this was too good to be true.”
X “He has HOW many now against us now?”
X “We really should have driven somebody in when the bases were loaded and nobody was out.”
X “When is he going to retire already? I mean, cripes, I watched this SOB on TBS when I was a kid and here I am joining the parade of pitchers who got a slider up and made that forlorn turn of the head to see where it landed a second later.”
X “At least I didn’t give one up to David Ross, who I’m pretty sure is always torching us.”
X “Boy, that Prado can really play short.”
X “Now I see what my Little League coach was saying when he was muttering about ‘oh those bases on balls.’”
X “This game is NEVER going to end, is it?”
X “Ball’s still going…damn.”
————–
FOR OFFICE USE ONLY:
Manzanillo, J. 1
Harnisch, P. 1
Walker, P. 1
Mlicki, D. 2
Jones, B. 4
Clark, M. 1
Isringhausen, J. 1
Yoshii, M. 1
Mahomes, P. 1
Hershiser, O. 2
Reed, R. 3
Cook, D. 1
Leiter, A. 2
Franco, J. 1
Rusch, G. 1
Trachsel, S. 4
Komiyama, S. 1
Astacio, P. 1
Gl@v!ne, T. 1
Seo, J. 1
Almonte, E. 1
Heilman, A. 2
Martinez, P. 1
Oliver, D. 1
Pelfrey, M. 3
Maine, J. 1
Putz, J. 1
Feliciano, P. 1
Misch, P. 1
Santana, J. 1
Carrasco, D. 1
Niese, J. 1
Dickey, R. 1
Schwinden, C. 1
Edgin, J. 1
Form LWCJ-10 (REV. 10-19-1999)
BRILLIANT..
Under “Projected Internal Response” you forgot “I thought I was just here to get left-handed hitters out.”
But I liked what I saw in the previous inning. Now, wish I could say the same for Lucas Duda’s defense. I’m not sure that he’s any better a right fielder than Daniel Murphy was a left fielder, and that’s saying something.
Greg, you are a creative genius. I loved this.
And I gotta tell you, I crack up each time I see your “Gl@v!ne.” At least it stops me from crying when I see his name.
Bravo! Yet again.
Another classic!
Annnnnnd season. See you in 2013. Hope they pick up David’s option. But I doubt it.
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