Some Things Around Here Do Improve

The Mets returned home from Colorado to face the unfathomable juggernaut that is the 2017 Dodgers, and looked listless as they slogged through a deeply boring game in which they were little more than anonymous cannon fodder to be dispatched. Jacob deGrom was the closest thing the team had to an offensive highlight, collecting one of the Mets’ four hits and stealing his first-ever base. (Amed Rosario also grabbed his first big-league steal.)

Those things were fun. They also accounted for about 90 seconds’ worth of ballgame. The other 11,130 seconds were a drag — new L.A. acquisition Yu Darvish throttled the Mets and Chase Utley hit a long home run into the soda deck above Utleyville, to name two particular lowlights.

And so on we trudge, rousing ourselves when Rosario or Conforto are batting and otherwise waiting for Dom Smith, potential waiver deals and the return of injured players who will arrive too late to help, if they arrive at all.

Some things are improving, however. We’re excited to announce the return of our retired-numbers shirt, now upgraded with Mike Piazza’s No. 31, the sequence you’ll see if you look up at Citi Field, and a more accurate font. You can pick up a men’s shirt from T-Shirt Mojo, our supplier, right here for $24.08 — they take care of everything from the production to the shipping. We’re also finally meeting a longstanding request and offering the numbers shirt in a women’s style — same price, also from T-Shirt Mojo. (If we run out of either, don’t worry — we’ll order more.)

That’s what the men’s shirt looks like, modeled by yours truly. If it looks that good on an old bald wreck of a human being, just think how sharp it will look on an actually attractive person such as yourself.

Anyway, we hope you’ll be interested in upgrading your old Faith and Fear shirt or grabbing yourself a new, up-to-date one. Either way, thank you — we’re not making a fortune on these, but they will help defray our escalating server costs.

As for the Mets themselves, they’re beyond our help, sartorial or otherwise. But here’s to new players, new seasons, new hope … and one day new numbers to wear proudly across our chests.