The Unicorn Speaks

“The final score, Mets 15 Marlins 14. What a night in Miami. Steve, I understand you have our star of the game standing by.”

“That’s right, Gare. We’re here with Uni Corn. Uni, I should let you catch your breath, but I’ve gotta ask, you don’t make many appearances with us.”
“Um, is that a question?”
“Let me rephrase that. How come we don’t see you at the ends of Mets games more than we do?”
“Well, Steve, if you did, a Unicorn Score sighting wouldn’t be all that special, would it?”
“You make a good point, and it is always special when you grace us with your presence. Not as special as my ‘Let’s Be Frank’ interludes, perhaps, but still a pretty big deal.”
“Steve, are you just going to do self-referential shtick? Because, quite frankly…”
“‘Frankly,’ ha. I see what you did there.”
“No pun intended, I assure you. I don’t want to be rude, but I’m pretty exhausted right now.”

“As I imagine you would be. How does this compare to some of the other times you’ve shown up?”
“Uh, I don’t know. I don’t even remember the last time.”
“That was just last year, the end of August in 2025, when the Mets beat these very same Marlins at Citi Field, 19-9. You also came by in April of 2025 when the Mets topped the Nationals in DC, 19-5.”
“That recent? I tend to forget these things. Y’know, they happen, I appear, and then it’s like I was never here.”

Someone you don’t see often.

“Uni, you’ve made the Mets scene 23 times in all.”
“Technically, Steve, I’ve been on hand for every score the Mets have won by for the first time, so it’s a lot more than 23. Once my score repeats, or gets cloned, if you will, it comes off the board as a Unicorn Score.”
“Like the way the Mets first won a 16-7 game at Philadelphia in 2015, the night David Wright returned to the lineup with a bang, but then the Mets won another 16-7 game earlier this year in Washington over the now last-place Nationals.”
“Yeah, basically. I mean I was at the first game the Mets won, 3-2, and the first game they won, I don’t know, 6-4. Those were Unicorn Scores once, too. It’s just that I fade away when those scores become old hat.”
“And that horn in the middle of your forehead would make an ideal spot for the Mets batters to hang their hat tonight after scoring 15 runs off Marlin pitching.”
“Steve, do you mind? I was born with that horn.”

“Uni Corn a little combative in our postgame interview, understandable, given how hard the Mets had to fight to hold on, 15-14.”
“Nice save, Steve.”
“Tobias Myers had a nice save, too, but we’ll get to that later. Right now, I want to ask you what you were thinking as this game went along.”
“That’s a big go-to question for you guys, ‘What were you thinking?’ To tell you the truth, Steve, I wasn’t thinking all that much about this game for a while. I thought it was just another win in progress for the Mets.”
“The Mets have now won 21 of their last 33, so I can see where it might begin to feel like it’s old hat.”
“You’re not gonna make another horn crack, are you, Steve?”

“I won’t, I promise, but it looked that big branded sports drink cooler just got a crack in it after Christopher Morel and Luis Torrens dumped it over your head and came up against that horn of yours. That thing must be as hard as some of the stale buns I’ve had to bite into doing my popular ‘Let’s Be Frank’ segment.”
“Is it too late to get Michelle Margaux to fill in for you?”
“Speaking of filling in, what about the job Christopher Morel did tonight? Came in as a pinch-runner for Brett Baty in the second inning when Brett felt something in his knee and had an absolutely phenomenal game.”
“I tell you what, Steve. Morel is a player I can relate to. You don’t see him very often, yet when you do, he does something you almost never see.”

“That’s true, Uni. The same player who recently became the first Met to make an outfield debut AND a third base debut in the same game tonight became the first Met to enter a game as a pinch-runner and go on to collect three hits, knock in three runs, and score three runs, including that two-run homer in the third, his first as a Met.”
“No doubt Morel is one of the reasons I showed up tonight. Same for Torrens. If he doesn’t hit that little tapper in the eighth to make it 15-9, I don’t know what happens.”
“Luis with four RBIs tonight and doing just a phenomenal job sharing the catching duties with Francisco Alvarez this year. But I wanna know about your process on a night like tonight.”
“Well, Steve, like I said, it just looked like another Met win as it was going along. I guess there’s always a chance I have to get ready to come by if the Mets are going to score a lot of runs.”
“If the folks watching don’t know, all of your scores, the ones the Mets have won by only once in their 65-year history, have involved the Mets themselves scoring at least 13 runs.”
“Right. Still, when it’s 8-0, you’re not thinking that far ahead.”

“What about when the Marlins come back to tie it, 8-8? What’s a Uni Corn thinking about then?”
“Like any normal creature, or even one who is by common conception one of a kind, I’m not thinking of myself in the third person. But I will tell you when it was 8-8, I was thinking about the team, not myself. Remember, if the Mets lose, no matter what the score is, I don’t appear.”
“Soon, however, in the seventh, the Mets get it in gear again, taking advantage of a hit-by-pitch and a couple of walks, a few timely hits, then Francisco Lindor tops it off with a three-run homer to make it 14-8. When it’s 14-8, what’s going through your mind?”
“At 14-8, they’ve got my attention. At 14-8, I get an alert that the Mets have never won by 14-8. So, yeah, I have to be ready.”

“Of course, this game wasn’t going to stay 14-8 for long, as Joe Mack went deep off Daniel Duarte in the Marlin seventh to make it 14-9, a score I believe you know something about.”
“You talking about the Colorado incident?”
“I am, or should we say the Colorado incidents, plural?”
“Yeah, that was crazy. I come out to Coors Field one night in 2015 when the Mets win by 14-9 for the very first time, then what happens? They win by 14-9 the very next night, and it’s not a Unicorn Score anymore.”
“Is it hard to not take something like that personally?”
“Listen, I know the Mets are just trying to score as many runs as they can and allow as few as they can. Sometimes all I can do is hang back and find out if I’m going to gallop onto the scene or fade from view. Most nights I’m nowhere to be seen. That second night in Denver is just one of those things that happens.”
“Or two of those things.”
“Anything else, Steve? I really am tired.”

“All right, Uni, we get to the eighth, Luis Torrens’s infield dribbler makes it 15-9, and you know the Mets have never won by that score. But in the bottom of the inning, the Marlins plate two more runs, and it’s 15-11, and you’ve been there.”
“Well, the Mets have been. I was there for the first one in 1989. The second time was 2021.”
“At that point, you’ve gotta be wondering what your night is gonna look like when it’s all over.”
“I’m not gonna lie, Steve. I was getting nervous. If the Mets hold on, 15-11, well, I’m at most a point of reference in some lunatic’s game recap. But if the Mets give up a run or two or three, I’ve got to be right here talking to you. And I can’t even fathom what extra innings would have been like.”

“And, to reiterate, if the Marlins come all the way back…”
“Steve, had the Marlins come all the way back, let’s just say I was doing a search of Miami’s intricate network of causeways to figure out which one I could jump off of. Blow leads of 8-0 and 14-8, and it’s Biscayne Bay here I come.”
“Uni Corn, taking these Mets games very much to heart.”
“Like I said, Steve, I’ve been with this team every time it’s won by a specific score for the first time. I grow attached to the idea of a unique win. I don’t know if your notes say it there, but I was around for a 13-12 Mets win in 1963, and that still stands as a Unicorn Score to this day.”
“That must have been a wild game.”
“From my perspective, Steve, if I’m in play, they’re all wild.”

“I’ll bet they are, especially this one. Although the Mets never trailed, it felt very much like a back-and-forth game, surprising in that the Mets bullpen, as Gary said tonight, has been so ‘impeccable’ of late.”
“They looked pretty peckable to me.”
“Nonetheless, after some of the guys who’ve done so much to get the Mets on this roll, particularly Nate Lavender, had their troubles, Andy Green turned to Tobias Myers to slam the door, which he did, recording the final two outs to make the final score, 15-14, the most runs the Mets have ever scored or allowed when winning by a single run.”
“Yeah, I didn’t know it was over until it was over, to quote one of Green’s predecessors. I forget which one. After so many games, sometimes you lose track of these things.”
“But I imagine it was worth the wait.”
“Like I said, this game took it out of me, but inside, I’m jumping up and down like Jefry Yan.”
“Is it any sweeter because this 15-14 win completed a sweep of the Marlins, who were barely hanging on in the Wild Card race before this three-game series began and now are all but done as a playoff contender?”
“Oh, hell yes, Steve. When the Marlins started coming back, specifically when they were cutting the lead from 8-3 to 8-8 in the sixth, I asked myself how could it be that easy? The Mets fell behind, 4-0, in the fourth in this very ballpark on the last day last year and it was like they couldn’t be awakened or anything, and that was with a playoff spot on the line. So, yeah, the players won’t admit it, but I’ve got no problem saying out loud how much I love sticking it to the Marlins.”
“And with that highly distinctive pointed horn in the middle of your forehead, I imagine you could get a few good pokes in.”
“Jesus, Steve. Give it a rest.”