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ABOUT US

Greg Prince and Jason Fry
Faith and Fear in Flushing made its debut on Feb. 16, 2005, the brainchild of two longtime friends and lifelong Met fans.

Greg Prince discovered the Mets when he was 6, during the magical summer of 1969. He is a Long Island-based writer, editor and communications consultant. Contact him here.

Jason Fry is a Brooklyn writer whose first memories include his mom leaping up and down cheering for Rusty Staub. Check out his other writing here.

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Flashback Friday: 1985 (The Exciting Conclusion)

Inane software space limitations force us to bring you Flashback Friday: 1985 in two parts. You may link to Part I if you haven’t seen it. What follows here is the second part.

The Mets were alive, no matter what Newsday had said the day before. Their task was by no means easy, but it was simple enough. Win three games against the Cardinals and be tied for first with three to play. Then it’s anybody’s race…and we have home-field for a one-game playoff.

First game: Tudor vs. Darling. Not Gooden. Darling. Mets fans actually sent telegrams to Davey Johnson and told him, no, you’re doing this all wrong. Warm up Darling in the pen and make Whitey think you’re going to start him. Then, out of nowhere, Doc enters the game. It was as crazy as it sounded, but not without some sanity to it. Doc was 23-4 and the best pitcher in the world. This was the biggest game the Mets were playing in more than a decade. But Davey avoided the temptation to take his cues from Western Union. Darling did not disappoint. Nor did Tudor. It was another scoreless duel. Ronnie went nine — Davey wasn’t pushing his young starters in any game to do anything superhuman; these pitchers had futures. Tudor again pitched ten shutout innings against the Mets. In the eleventh, Ken Dayley entered for the Cards. And Darryl Strawberry, whose absence with the thumb injury is probably what made this a race to begin with, took him deep. How deep? Very deep. How deep? Clock deep. It was 10:44 Central Daylight Time when Darryl put the Mets up 1-0 in the top of the eleventh inning. He hit it off a clock on the facing of the grandstand in right field. Orosco saved it and the Mets were within two games of first place.

Second game: Gooden vs…. didn’t matter. It was Gooden. It was 1985. It wasn’t really that easy. There were some hard-hit balls. But in the end, it was Dwight Gooden winning his final game of the year. The numbers would be entered into the ledger for the ages: 24-4, 268 K’s, 1.53 ERA. That was Dwight Gooden in 1985 at the age of 20. That was the lowest ERA in baseball since the mound was leveled to encourage more hitting. That was a pitcher who was in his second year and, it followed, could only get better. That kid, two years my junior, was the human being I thought most highly of. The Mets were within one game of first place.

Third game: I watched this one, as I had the previous two, with my parents and the entire Metropolitan Area. Channel 9 reported record ratings for each night of this series. I wore, again, my lucky glasses. But I didn’t like what I was seeing. The Mets nicked Cox for a run in the first but Foster, who had the opportunity to prove every Mets fan wrong, only confirmed our worst suspicions about him. With the bases loaded, he bounced out and the Mets came away practically emptyhanded. Rick Aguilera, in the biggest start of his (or almost anybody’s) life, let the Cards tie it in the second. Then the home team, spurred on by their obnoxious fans who dumped beer on Lenny Dykstra and referred to the Mets as “pond scum” (a Lettermanism), pulled ahead. St. Louis was up 4-2 after six. And after seven. In the eighth, the Mets got a run back, HoJo singling home Straw. There could’ve been more but Davey was reduced to using Ray Knight and Ron Gardenhire and in 1985, they were not keys to success. The Mets entered the top of the ninth down one run and one game. This was it. This was the season. This was what my whole life was leading up to.

Two outs came and went. Then Keith Hernandez, formerly of the St. Louis Cardinals, came up. He was booed. He was hated. He was reviled for being a big, bad New York Met and, not incidentally, for testifying with immunity at a big, bad baseball drug trial in Pittsburgh that, while a member of the St. Louis Cardinals, he was a user of cocaine. He flew to Shea from that trial for the earlier Cardinal series and was welcomed home a hero. Not at Busch. Whatever punishment he’d be meted by the commissioner, it wasn’t coming now, so he’d have to take his medicine this way. Keith Hernandez had come to town to try to steal a division title from his old team. He had been a user. The fans kept booing. Keith kept hitting. Keith had already, in this game, the one my whole life had led up to, collected four hits.

Keith Hernandez singled off of Ricky Horton. He was 5-for-5. My mother was thrilled. My father was thrilled. I was thrilled. New York was thrilled.

Whitey Herzog, the sneering rat, made a pitching change. Horton out. Jeff Lahti in. Gary Carter up.

This was it. This was truly it. Our best player, the National League’s Player of the Month for September three days into October, the guy who started 1985 in December 1984 while I was still in college by being traded to us, the guy who shooed away Neil Allen and all the medflies on Opening Day, the guy on the poster, in the Ivory Soap commercial, in all the commercials, our very own superstar catcher, our cleanup hitter, our future Hall of Famer, the only one — it would turn out — from this team.

Gary Carter came up with two out and one on, the Mets down by a run. If Gary Carter could take Jeff Lahti over the Busch Stadium wall, the Mets would lead 5-4. They’d be three outs from being tied for first place with three games remaining in the 1985 season, the best season of my life, the best season of everybody’s life.

Gary Carter hit a fly ball to right field. Not a big fly. Just a Met fly.

Andy Van Slyke caught it.

Cardinals 4 Mets 3. The Mets were two games out of first place.

It was over. Having seen enough, I threw my lucky glasses on the floor.

“Don’t do that to your glasses!” Mom and Dad admonished in unison. Great. At the moment I needed to be with Mets fans, they reverted back to being parents.

I went upstairs and found a Whitey Herzog card. I brought it downstairs with a thumbtack and began defacing it in the kitchen. I handed the tack to my mother and she joined in.

Eight years earlier, she decided to surprise me with a little change bank shaped like a miniature Mets batting helmet. Except (and my father attempted to point this out to her), it wasn’t a Mets batting helmet. Let’s just say the NY confused her. By then I was old enough to twist my words into a pretzel so as not raise her ire. I tried to seem grateful for the gift but she realized she screwed up. Nobody won.

Now I was grown up. And she was grown up. And we had just stood together for the first time hating the Mets’ mortal enemy as if he was one of the neighbors we couldn’t stand. We took turns, my mother and I, destroying Whitey Herzog.

So 1985 wasn’t a total loss.

No, of course it wasn’t. It was a wonderful season. The competitive portion may have ended that night in St. Louis, but three games did remain and even at 22 I was an old hand at getting the most out of the string. You know, the one the Mets were always playing out.

Elimination came Saturday. I watched on TV as the Fan Appreciation Day crowd got the word on the scoreboard that St. Louis had clinched. Did they boo? No, they stood and they applauded. They twirled their giveaway scarves. They gave ovations to every batter who came up. They demanded curtain calls. The Mets, the burgeoning, full-of-themselves Mets who came up literally a day if not a dollar short, looked a little embarrassed yet not a little moved.

Joel and I, getting better at planning, had bought tickets in advance for the final Sunday. This, we figured, could be even bigger than the Gooden-Tudor matchup we missed out on. This could settle the division. Of course it didn’t, but it was something else.

It was chilly. It was, after all, October 6. But it was warm, too. We were playing the Expos. Hubie Brooks, the third baseman we traded to get Gary Carter ten months earlier, was Montreal’s shortstop. He had 99 RBIs. When he got his hundredth against us, making him the first shortstop since Ernie Banks in the late ’50s to do so, we all gave him a big ovation.

The Expos took a lead, but so what? We were seeing a pretty obvious B-team. Gooden would’ve started on short rest had it mattered, but it didn’t. So we got Bill Latham. It was his last game as a Met. Time would reveal that it was also the last Met appearance for the likes of Bowa, Gardenhire, Tom Paciorek, John Christensen, Ronn Reynolds and an outfielder named Billy Beane. It was the first for Randy Myers. And with two out in the ninth and the Mets down a run, Davey Johnson sent up, as a pinch-hitter, Daniel Joseph Staub, Rusty. Rusty was a hero in the field on my Graduation Day. We knew this was it for him. He said so. It was his 23rd season. His first was 1963, the first season I was alive for. Ten years after that, he played in the last World Series at Shea Stadium.

Rusty hit a sharp grounder to second. The ball was too sharp. The batter was too slow. A long career and an eternal season ended with a one-run loss.

The Mets finished 98-64, three games behind the Cardinals. That should’ve been that, but 1985 was too good to let go of so quickly.

Our attention was directed to DiamondVision where a highlight montage set to Frank Sinatra’s “Here’s to the Winners” unspooled. The whole season literally flashed before our eyes. We couldn’t help but applaud the immensity and the texture of the thing. Blue and orange balloons went up into the Queens sky. The 1985 Mets — Doc, Darryl, Mex, Kid, Wally, Lenny, Mookie, Roger, Jesse, Rusty…the whole bunch of ’em — stepped out of the dugout and on to the field to wave once more. It was a group curtain call demanded for finishing a close second.

Then they threw their caps to the fans in the nearby field box seats.

Now we could go home.

Channel 9 ran a commercial on a Saturday night in the middle of that November. I only saw it once. There was a guy on a subway platform leaning up against a post reading the News while waiting for his train. He looks up from his paper and the picture dissolves into Gary Carter hitting a home run against the Astros. We see the guy again and he’s smiling. “Thanks Mets” was the tagline.

By then, I was well into my second month of lying awake trying to figure out how the 1985 Mets didn’t win. That’s a ritual about to reach a milestone anniversary. I feel almost crass mentioning it in light of them giving me so much of everything else back then. Sure, a longer October would’ve made it even better, but honestly — how much can a baseball fan ask from the season his whole life had been leading up to?

So, yeah…thanks Mets.

Thanks forever for that season.

The year was 1985, 20 years ago.

I was 22.

Flashback Friday is a weekly tour through the years, every half-decade on the half-decade, wherein a younger Mets fan develops into the Mets fan he is today. Previous stops: 1970, 1975, 1980. Next stop: 1990.

Meaningless Games in September

It was different tonight. I turned it on, I alternated between TV and radio, I rooted for us and against them. Just like always.

But it was different. I know I said I’d care, but I didn’t. I neither watched nor listened without distraction. There was a good bit of flipping and a little reading and maybe a few winks. I can see why game stories in the papers are so small for non-contenders in September. Is it really news when a team in a slide continues down that greasy pole to oblivion? Is an utterly predictable Mets’ loss to the impressive Cardinals more than bookkeeping? Except for it being baseball (and therefore not being football), there wasn’t much there to enthrall a baseball fan who wasn’t wearing red.

In whatever inning that I overheard something about Benson coming out, I got up and walked away to do something else. I was in the next room when I heard cheering. I wandered in to see if we were being uncharacteristically proactive at bat. No, it was a Cardinal rookie homering. I actually thought Benson was taken out for a pinch-hitter and that the Mets were up.

I would not have made that mistake 24 hours earlier. Or just about any time during the competitive portion of the season.

The sum total of the roll we rode to that long-ago zenith of 68-60 was 9-2. Since then, we are 2-10. From eight games over to right back where we started from on the morning of April 4 and the evening of August 4 and a zillion other times in 2005. Our kindred spirits at the Crane Pool Forum call it Galaxy .500. I hope gravity doesn’t betray us before we get to at least 81 wins.

At least?

Mets to Wear Turner Field Patch

Atlanta. Turner Field. It's where Mets dreams have been dying for almost a decade. If it doesn't stop this week, we're gonna have to wear commemorative patches next season.

As first reported here Sunday, the New York Mets will indeed wear commemorative patches on the right sleeve of all five versions of their uniform tops next season to mark the accomplishments garnered during their first decade as a visiting team at Atlanta's Turner Field. We have posted a prototype in our photo section.

It is not clear whether those who call the Mets to reserve their Pennant Race Pack — each box seat is priced at $455; a $200-per-seat non-refundable deposit toward a ticket plan purchase for 2006 is required; and there is an option to buy the same seats for all potential 2005 Mets post-season home games — will receive a limited-edition, first-edition patch.

Operators are standing by.

Turner Field Commemorative Patch

Faith and Fear in Flushing has obtained a prototype of the commemorative patch* to be worn by all Mets players next season in celebration of their unmatched record of consistency at Atlanta’s Turner Field. “Wanna buy a Pennant Race Pack?” a patch department official asked. “First dibs on post-season seats!” Operators, he added, are standing by.

I've Got A Peaceful Albeit Uneasy Feeling

This should bother me. It doesn’t.

This should be terrible. It isn’t.

This should feel…not like it does.

I’m at peace tonight. There is nothing more I can do, nothing more I can say, nothing more I can even think.

It’s over. I knew it would be over eventually. I didn’t know how it would end but if I had to guess, this is how I would’ve figured.

The Mets would go to Atlanta desperately needing to win one game. And they would lead. At the same time, the top team they were chasing would have to lose. And they would trail.

Then both games would reverse themselves. Billy Wagner, with nobody on and two out in the ninth, would allow two infield singles and a three-run homer to Craig Biggio. Done. And Braden Looper would find a way to let the Braves win a game they had trailed for 8-1/2 innings.

I have to admit Loop surprised me by only allowing Atlanta to tie the game. His teammates also heartened me with their insistence on taking a tenth-inning lead.

But I wasn’t fooled, not really. There were just too many Braves and too many Mets on that field for this to Turn out any different than it did.

Blame Looper? Takatsu? Randolph? Wright for getting doubled off? Beltran for getting thrown out stealing? Cameron for playing right like it was center? Piazza for aging? Ishii for taking unnecessary starts from Seo? Bill Shea for not convincing the Reds to move to New York in 1958?

Whoever. Whatever. This was going to happen at some point, this not winning the Wild Card, not making the playoffs. If it was going to happen anywhere, it might as well happen where it did. It was a dependable outcome if nothing else.

The Braves swept the Mets at Turner Field when the Mets could not afford to lose there.

My watch is set to within a nanosecond of dead-on balls accuracy.

Twenty-three games to go. I’ll watch. I’ll write. I’ll care. But I’ll no longer believe. Not this year.

Peace, man.

Thrown for a Looper

I won't claim that this is an original sentiment in Met Land tonight, but here it is anyway: Should we ever again hold a lead in the 9th inning, I want to see Roberto Hernandez coming out of the bullpen.

I don't care what it does to the 8th inning. I don't care if it exposes Aaron Heilman, or forces Juan Padilla into a setup role he's not ready for, or ruins the feng shui of Flushing dim sum shops, or causes hermaphroditism in frogs. I don't care.

Because I cannot stand watching Braden Looper blow ballgames anymore.

Braden Looper can't get lefties out on any night, and on many nights he can't get anyone out. His 9th inning of work tonight now only doesn't look disgustingly incompetent because it was instantly followed by his more disgustingly incompetent 10th inning of work. (Gee Willie, that stove wasn't much cooler the second time you touched it, was it?) The difference between Braden Looper and Armando Benitez? Braden Looper's name is sillier.

Now, Braden Looper is far from the only thing wrong with this team. I'm not claiming it's all on him. Heck, score one, two, or three runs a night and you're going nowhere even if you, say, get great starting pitching consistently. But Braden Looper is clearly one of the things consistently wrong with this team, and his era needs to end starting right now. Bert for the rest of the year, now once again recast as a dispiriting quest to stay over .500. And then?

Well, let's put it this way: All I want for Christmas is Billy Wagner.

I've Become So Numb

At the end of the 1998 season, a moment in time that I seem to be referencing quite a bit lately, I came to a decision:

I would no longer be a baseball fan.

I started by not watching or listening to, other than to get a score, the Giants-Cubs playoff game that determined the winner of the Wild Card, the prize that we held at the beginning of the final week of the season and one that we squandered across a five-game, curtain-closing losing streak.

Didn’t watch that game. Only nibbled at the post-season. Gave up on the World Series in the middle of Game Two. I just didn’t have it in me anymore. I pictured myself becoming one of those codgers you run into, the ones who tell you they haven’t watched a game since O’Malley left Brooklyn. No interest whatsoever in following the Mets again.

Ya see how that took.

I had that feeling coming on down the stretch in ’99 when it when it appeared to be déjà blew all over again, but the Mets put an end to that by turning everything around and in fact immersing me more deeply in baseball in a way than I ever was or probably could be again. In 2001, after 9/11, I didn’t think a silly game could ever hold any meaning for me, but as I’ve mentioned before, a pennant race can do wonders for one’s concept of what’s important.

I’m back to not giving a damn.

OK, I give a damn to the extent that it bothers me that I don’t give a damn, but all at once, after losing the second straight to Atlanta and eight of the last ten at the absolute worst juncture to do something like that, I’m strangely numb tonight. Once the game was over and I knew we were four out (and after I confirmed that the Devil Rays had done their part for humanity), I couldn’t watch any other baseball, not live games, not highlights. I didn’t want to know that there were fourteen clubs besides the Braves that were happy tonight. I didn’t want to know that baseball was being played to the satisfaction of anybody.

It would be bad enough to lose eight out of ten — it was bad enough to lose six out of eight — but why the Braves? Why always the Braves? They’re good, I grant you, but they’re not that good. Nobody’s rightly 53-20 good over somebody else for nine years in one place. It’s beyond being fodder for darkly cynical amusement. It’s insulting and dispiriting and horrible. Not New Orleans horrible, but pretty awful for something that’s supposed to serve as a diversion.

When I’m watching a game from my couch and something goes dramatically wrong for the Mets, I tend to make a fist with my right hand and punch the middle cushion. The cushion has lost a great deal of its firmness since August 27. Just hearing the name “Marcus Giles” during the post-game incited gratuitous violence against innocent furniture.

Alas, that couch hasn’t absorbed the last of me. Despite my swelling discord and hardening dismay regarding our team, I expect to be sitting on my ass at 7 o’clock Wednesday night watching baseball being played in Atlanta. Let’s hope the Mets aren’t doing the exact same thing.

Finazzled

You may now purchase Finazzle Grout Cleaner and Finazzle Soap Scum Remover at all Home Depot Stores in Florida, Georgia, Alabama, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Washington DC and in the Philadelphia area.

All Finazzle products are also available at all Publix Supermarkets.

Finazzle Grout Cleaner and Soap Scum Remover are absolutely guaranteed to do exactly what they say they do, or your money back. Our toll free number is listed on every bottle.

Hello, Finazzle? I want my money back. I see the sign for your product behind home plate at Turner Field every game I watch from there and you've done nothing about cleaning the grout of the Mets' batting order let alone removing the scum that's infested almost every game we've ever played down there.

Hello?

Serves me right for depending on a product sold in every N.L. East town but ours.

You know what's particularly irksome about losing to the Braves in situations like this? I mean particularly? It's that the Mets never stop being beaten by the same fuckers who've been doing them in since 1997. Who beat us today? Andruw Jones and Chipper Jones. Sure, Francoeur played a predictably immense role (I predicted it yesterday and I am indeed agitated — and am still agitated about Julio Valera, Cesar Cedeño and Luis Aguayo from other Septembers) and of course John Thomson is still getting even with us for whatever prank Charlie Hough and Mike Bacsik played on him three years ago. But Andruw and Chipper? Same as it ever was. Time stands still and smokes 'em if it's got 'em where those two are concerned.

Andruw? OK, 45 homers, predictable enough (I can't wait 'til he tests positive). But Chipper? Chipper? Again? They just get done telling us how lame he's been all season and then he sees NEW YORK embroidered onto polyester and parties like it's 1999. They'll be waking this weasel up at the age of 78 and activating him on September 1, 2050 just so he can keep his consecutive-year streak of eating our hearts out intact.

Who's going against us Tuesday night? I mean besides us? Oh, that fresh young arm Smoltz. He's 107-3 lifetime versus the Mets. Should be fun.

Pennant fever. Get a shot for it.

As good a centerfielder as Andruw Jones is, the Mets once had a better one, even if he wasn't such hot stuff by the time he got to us. I give you 24 good reasons why the Mets should retire No. 24 for Willie Mays at Gotham Baseball.

Loathes, Labors, Lost

What can you say? It was the Braves against a .500 team.

Trachsel was horrible early — how Andruw Jones didn't hit one of the several awful pitches he saw in the first inning to the moon is beyond me — then settled down and pitched quite well. Met For a Minute John Thomson was horrible early and then settled down. After that, well, pick 'em: If you're feeling superstitious, you can leave this one moaning that we played well but it's Turner Field, so the other guy broke on top. If you're feeling philosophical (like I am these days) you can say that we made the kind of mistakes teams that are still works in progress make, and those were enough to beat us. Two stuck in my craw:

1. Victor Diaz trying some ludicrous little pop-up slide in the seventh when the only chance he had was to try and steamroll Johnny Estrada. Not to be all bloody-minded, but the only play there was the football play. I don't blame Manny Acta for sending him, though — it demanded a perfect throw to get Victor, and Jeff Francoeur uncorked a perfect throw. A beyond-perfect throw. Uncle, Monsieur Francoeur — we've heard of you now.

2. In the ninth, Marlon Anderson works a 2-2 count against Kyle Farnsworth, who's just come into the game, and singles. So Jose Reyes, of course, POPS UP THE FIRST PITCH. It's too late in the season and Jose has come too far for him to keep making these stupid, overaggressive mental mistakes.

Funny aside from Gary and Howie: The Mets tried to get a call against Francoeur tagging up from second, and Angel Hernandez said no. Howie noted this, and Gary chimes in, “Either that or he wasn't watching.” God bless Gary and Howie.

Best Sixth We Ever Had

It was the best of sixths. It was the…yeah, it was the best.

The short season that just passed — the 28 games encompassing August 5 through September 4 — ended with a record of 16-12 and a winning percentage of .571. That's the best Mets' mark compiled in such a period since we began paying homage to Newsday's pioneering sportswriter Joe Gergen with our adaptation of his Short Season Awards.

Let's compare that to the four sixths that preceded it.

First Sixth: 12-13 (.480)

Second Sixth: 16-13 (.551)

Third Sixth: 12-15 (.444)

Fourth Sixth: 14-13 (.519)

On a sheer numbers basis, you've gotta take the fifth. And momentum/delusion was also running highest during the span covering these 28 contests. So yes, we just lived through a golden era.

Because of the massive popularity of the Short Season Awards, I haven't been able to answer every question that's come in regarding them, but I will clarify one that's been asked quite often:

Why doesn't each sixth add up to 27 games — is it because you guys are still having math problems?

That's a great inquiry made by too many readers to thank individually. The answer is that the Short Season Award Committee (SSAC) didn't think it wise to break up eligibility periods in the middle of a given series. So for the fifth sixth, we waited until the weekend's Mets-Marlins set was complete to call it a sixth even though at 28 games, it was slightly longer.

Thanks for asking. It makes us feel good that there's such a high level of interest in this feature. I want to assure all of you that there will be a sixth sixth report issued before Faith and Fear wraps up the 2005 season as a whole. Rest easy, gang. The SSAC is on this.

Housekeeping out of the way, it's post time in the fifth.

Guns Of August

1. David Wright: MVP! MVP! Sit down Cliff, we're not talking to you.

2. Jae Seo: Say, we used to have a pitcher named Jae Seo. You're not related to him, are you? Couldn't be. You pitch nothing like that guy.

3. Ramon Castro: When he doesn't just stand there, he does something.

4. Jose Reyes: Watch him run. Hell, watch him walk.

5. Tom Glavine: We've Met at last.

Late-Summer Saggers

1. Miguel Cairo: An excellent bench player, thus the rub.

2. Marlon Anderson: He's no Lenny Harris and that's not a compliment.

3. Danny Graves: Eight-run lead, dude. Ya lost me when ya lost it.

4. Braden Looper: Someday we'll take note of the saves you do get. This is not that day.

5. Mike DeFelice: Get a batting average and we'll talk.

Best Things From The Worst Moment Of The Season

1. Mike Cameron and Carlos Beltran being alive

2. Carlos Beltran being shook up but staying conscious

3. Carlos Beltran returning to the lineup

4. Mike Cameron returning to Shea

5. Guys like these playing the way they do…but for god's sake, be more careful next time

These Things Were Good

1. Seo bests Maddux

2. Jacobs' unconscious debut

3. Wright's barehanded grab

4. The Diamondback staff (good for us to poop on!)

5. Steve Trachsel's two-hit cameo

These Things Were A Drag

1. Antonio Perez and Jayson Werth

2. Ryan Howard and Chase Utley

3. Jason Schmidt and Noah Lowry

4. Zach Duke and Dontrelle Willis

5. Shingo Takatsu and Miguel Cabrera

Five Stages of Wild Card Grief

1. Denial: “Are you kidding? We're gonna win the division!”

2. Anger: “Are you kidding? Can't Looper hold a lead?”

3. Bargaining: “Are you kidding? I'd gladly take two out of three.”

4. Depression: “Are you kidding? I can't watch another pitch.”

5. Acceptance: “Are you kidding? We're gonna win the Wild Card!”

Entourage Characters' Met Equivalents, More Or Less

1. Vince: David Wright

2. E: Roberto Hernandez

3. Johnny Drama: Doug Mientkiewicz

4. Turtle: Gerald Williams

5. Ari Gold: Pedro — who else?

Alternate Names For Marlins' Home Facility

1. The Continuously Exposed Sack

2. Hideous Mistake at Nowhere's Middle

3. Joe Robbie Pro Player Dolphins Stadium Park Stadium

4. Florida Turnpike Southbound Rest Stop Number Fourteen

5. Shea Sans Charm

Things Victor Diaz Will Never Be

1. A Gold Glove winner

2. A Gold Glove candidate

3. Allowed to look at a Gold Glove

4. Much of a rightfielder

5. Endorsed by Fred McGriff

Failsafe Predictions For The Rest Of The Way

1. Willie Randolph will make some people unhappy.

2. The St. Louis Cardinals will make some people unhappy.

3. The New York Mets will make some people unhappy.

4. Fran Healy will make everybody unhappy.

5. I will drop the names Julio Valera, Cesar Cedeño, Luis Aguayo and Jeff Francoeur into agitated conversation.